So we're going on vacation ...

Especially when families have school-aged children, summers are a time for travel.  It takes extra bravery, flexibility, and planning if that family includes a child with autism, and there have been some key considerations I've taken as a mom that have reduced behavioral turbulence, so to speak.

1. You know that picture you have in your head of everyone doing the same thing at the same time and loving it?  Do yourself a favor.  Delete it (or at least be willing to Photoshop before publishing).  I used to look longingly at those families who were capable of creating and maintaining an elaborate itinerary.  But having tried that once, I realized that would not work for our family.  Flexibility is first.  Laughing at a National Lampoon's Vacation film before leaving can't hurt.

   

   Royalty Free Stock Photo: HAPPY FAMILY by Sharpnose

2. Be reasonable in your expectations.  I know all the experts talk about there being a Theory of Mind problem associated with autism, but I think Paula Kluth put it best when she insisted the perspective-taking problem lies with us neurotypicals.  How much sustained attention does your child have at home or school, where, presumably, there are familiar people and environments to promote such attention?  We assume that our vacation plans will be engaging, but they might just be overwhelming.  Are your child's basic needs (hunger, thirst, toileting, temperature regulation) being compromised?  Having favorite snacks and beverages on hand can help.
3. When you notice signs of distress in your child with autism, don't "Keep Calm and Carry On".  Fall back (while remaining calm).  And know where your "safe" or "soothing" places are ahead of time.  Believe it or not, some big theme parks have recognized the need for such spaces and will let you know where those are if you inquire.  I have noticed that if I've provided a space and time for decompression, my children (even as young as age 3) have accessed their built-in coping strategies.  Have a favorite stress reliever, like a comfort item, stress ball, or other fidget on hand at all times.
4. Put on your thick skin.  Your child with autism's coping strategies will look different than his neurotypical peers'.  (My son paces and makes sound effect noises when he retreats into his creative story-writing imagination.  My daughter lines up toys or draws, flapping her hands and humming as she imagines a much bigger scene than she perceives in front of her with her eyes.)  And when your loved one with autism has that meltdown, you'll get some stares.  This is a good time to Keep Calm and Carry On.
5. Be willing to divide and conquer.  I'm going to bring this concept full-circle.  While you might not convince everyone in the family that an activity or venue is worth enjoying, give yourself and your family the freedom and permission to find joy in separate places or ways.  If it's bringing an electronic device and headphones to a wedding, make that adaptation.  If it's finding a petting zoo  with dad and skipping the beach with mom, do it.  Getting that happy, smiling, all-together family photo might be tough.  But you'll get lots of individual photos of contentment.  And that's beautiful, too.

Autism Speaks has a great list of books and web-based resources.  What tips and tricks can you offer vacation-planning families that include children with autism?

Five Things about Autism Meltdowns

One of the most unnerving aspects of autism spectrum disorder, both for the individual with autism and the caregiver or bystander, is the meltdown.  Taken at face value and out of context, a meltdown resembles a tantrum.  You might observe loud vocalizations, an out-of-control body, and perhaps even some physical aggression, directed toward self or others.  While there are some interventions that are the same for both a meltdown and a tantrum, many more would be contraindicated for meltdown resolution versus tantrum extinction.

As the parent of an adolescent with both ASD and mental health issues, I have benefited from a number of articles, books, and trainings over the years regarding the autism-driven meltdown.  Here are my five key takeaways:

1. A meltdown and a tantrum are NOT the same!  A toddler's tantrum has a manipulative function, intended to change an outcome.  A preschooler's tantrum is more emotionally driven, which is nearer to the meltdown, but is largely outgrown as the elementary school student learns to regulate emotions.  A meltdown is not an "acting out", but a cessation of knowing how to act, given the overwhelming environment and lack of readily available coping mechanisms.  Because we neurotypicals don't struggle with the same sensory challenges that people on the spectrum often describe, we have an empathy deficiency in this area.  We need to remember that when we're stressed out, we can't access our coping mechanisms, either.  The storm raging in our brains impacts our entire body.
2. There are always triggers to meltdowns.  You might not recognize them, but this is where the super sleuth in you needs to take over.  Practice "whole-body listening" consistently, taking data, if possible, to watch for patterns.  Consider starting by noting the time of day the meltdown takes place and the duration.  If it's at school, perhaps the meltdown takes place just before or during a particularly challenging subject.  Or maybe it's environmental: the grocery store, the doctor's office, a relative's house.  As you get better at identifying when and where they're happening, maybe notice some physical hints of anxiety (a common antecedent): facial or whole body tension, increased self-regulating behavior (rocking, vocal "stims", etc.), change in speech intensity (louder voice, more rapid speech, extra questions, etc.).
3. Once a meltdown has started, there is no talking.  Verbal processing skills generally go out the window when someone with autism is experiencing a meltdown.  If you've gotten good at recognizing those physical hints, maybe you can help your person with autism get to a safe place to go through the impending meltdown in as dignified a manner as possible.  Perhaps you can have in that space (or with you, as a support person) some cards or a book with images that are soothing or evoke positive associations for your person with autism.  Slipping that quietly within the person's sphere of reference might offer a tool for decompression.  While there are some great emotional regulation apps out there, it might not be safe to put the tablet or smartphone in front of someone seemingly held hostage in that moment by his dysregulated neurology.
4. People with autism in meltdown mode should not be held accountable for their meltdown-related behavior in the moment.  There will be lots of "verbal vomit", and some of it may seem quite personal.  Don't take it personally.  No amount of disciplining destructive behavior during a meltdown will stop the destruction.  This is not to say that there shouldn't be a debriefing and reparative process well after the meltdown.  Your person with autism might not be recovered enough five minutes after a meltdown, but maybe five hours later, or two days later, you will be able to revisit the incident during a stress-free, private moment.  Ask if the person remembers the meltdown, and perhaps what triggered it.  You may have to point out that the person made some mistakes during that time (left a hole in the wall, hurt someone's feelings, etc.), and allow him or her to come up with a plan to "fix" it.  Maybe that's drawing a picture or writing a note.  Maybe it's going to the store and picking up the supplies to fix the wall.  Always be sure to suggest alternative ways of coping with anxiety or anger, and practice these during periods of calm.
   
5. Avoid escalating a meltdown; or better yet, try to prevent it.  Direct eye contact can be threatening to any person in crisis.  So avoid "getting in the face" of someone exhibiting those physical hints.  Get "low and slow" -- consider sitting down versus standing over people in crisis.  Instead of matching their speech intensity, do the opposite.  Talk quietly, perhaps even a whisper, using few words with concrete, easily-understood meanings.  When possible, present a visual support such as a card with a strategy or a couple words on a piece of paper in lieu of spoken language.  None of those are "giving in" to the escalating behavior.  If anything, they're taking fuel off the burn pile.  And remember, this crisis behavior isn't a display for you -- though you can learn A LOT from it.

A couple books I've benefited from: Jed Baker's No More Meltdowns and Ross Greene's The Explosive Child.  Do you have a favorite article, book, or other resource about autism-driven meltdowns?