The Gift of Friendship

I had the kind of conversation last week with a mom that throws me into fits of hate and hope. She told me a sad but familiar story of a misunderstood boy who spends his recess pacing the playground perimeter because he and his peers just haven't figured out how to have successful social interactions. And without intervention, they won't.

No one "just knows" how to interact appropriately with someone with autism. Certainly, there are those with a sensitivity and compassion that encourage them to continue trying in spite of pratfalls, but unless you have an understanding of that differently-wired brain and how it impacts the way that person experiences the world around them, you will struggle.

And children with autism can't be expected to be socially graceful.  A hallmark of their disability is lack of social understanding, so how can we as parents and teachers expect them to generalize to the playground skills taught in a speech therapist's office without coaching?

And this mom told me about how this boy was trying to initiate social interaction by hugging, which he was told specifically was unacceptable.  The poor child.  So while I hate that this downtrodden boy is despairing of his young life because he can't find a way to fit in, I have hope.  My hope springs from the results we've seen from our staff and student services.  I know that we can go into that school and work with its community to create a culture of acceptance, where glimmers of understanding and empathy shine more brightly than the darkness of despair.

But we can't do that without your help.  Please consider giving a year-end gift to Good Friend, Inc.  Your donation of $10 pays for us to send a Presentation Kit loaded with helpful resources for educators and families to the school that invites us.  A $25 donation pays for gel bracelets and personalized certificates for a classroom of students who learn to be good friends.  Only $50 covers the expenses associated with a guest lecture, where upwards of 100 college students at a time learn about best practices associated with interacting with people with autism.  And a $100 donation allows us to go to a school and provide an hour-long staff in-service. 

You can donate online through our website (right-click on the Donate button to open a new PayPal checkout window) or Cause.  Checks can be made payable to Good Friend, Inc. and mailed to 808 Cavalier Dr., Waukesha WI 53186.  Donations are tax-deductible to the extent provided by law, and should be postmarked by December 31st for this year's application.

Thank you for your generous support of our mission!

Hosting Autism for the Holidays?

While I am sure most people with neuro-typical development ("NTs", as they're sometimes referred to in autism circles) look forward to the holiday season, it is not always so readily welcomed by those experiencing the world with autism.  And if you're the host/-ess of this year's festivities and you have a family member with autism who's attending, please keep this seasonal AUTISM acronym in mind ...

A is for anxiety. Anxiety is a real factor in determining behavior for a person with autism. Not knowing where one is going, whether or not and when there will be gifts, and if there will be a place where one can compose one's self with dignity are all fears that may block joy.
U is for uncomfortable. Scratchy formal attire, while handsome for photo opportunities, does not a happy person with tactile-defensiveness make.  Caregivers: lose the shirt, tie, and/or wool sweater and give yourself permission to bring your loved one in his/her comfiest clothing.
T is for tips & tricks.  What's your family member with autism's special interest?  Maybe you could ask his/her caregiver what you could have on-hand in case of "emergency".  Grab some fidget toys from the dollar store (but watch out for the ones that have gel or liquid inside - that can get messy!).  Some people with autism like light-up and/or music-making baubles and others don't.
I is for information.  One of the greatest gifts you can give to the family bringing the person with autism is a good idea of what's going to happen.  What are we eating and when?  Will we open gifts before or after the meal?  Do you have a TV where we can pop a movie in as a distraction in case we're waiting?
S is for sensory overload.  I have always liked the song "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas", but I'm starting to think it's just a terrible reminder of the metallic bells, bright lights, and scented candles that come with the season.  Too much input for the senses will diminish the coping ability for your loved one with autism.
M is for meltdown.  And if that loved one runs out of ways to cope, he or she will indeed have a meltdown.  It's not a tantrum.  Don't punish it.  Understand that it's meant for your understanding of the state he or she is in.  Respect his or her limitations.

What are some ways you've adapted your holiday celebration to be respectful of your family member with autism?

From anecdotal to research-based

Last week's blog posting was more timely than I even thought.  The next day, an article about the benefits of peer education regarding autism was published in Disability Scoop, an online news service.  The piece was written regarding a study as published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry.  I remember reading about this study in The Orange County Register nearly three years ago.  I contact Connie Kasari at UCLA, ecstatic about the findings.  I knew so little about how long it takes for such work to be published!

But here it is.  Proof of the effectiveness of preparing peers in an inclusive or mainstreamed classroom to receive their classmate with autism.  While it wasn't Good Friend's specific interventions that were studied, one does not have to take much of a leap to generalize the data to our Peer Sensitivity Workshops (PSWs) for elementary school students.  And soon enough, that leap won't be necessary.

Good Friend is thrilled to be working with UW-Whitewater on a study of our staff in-services and our 3rd through 5th grade PSWs.  We're in the process of identifying the pilot school, and the intervention and control groups for the study.  If you are an administrator in a public elementary school between Waukesha, Wis., and Whitewater, Wis., and wish to participate, please email chelsea@goodfriendinc.com.

While I will never tire of the "proof" of the effectiveness of our services we currently receive, such as spontaneous hugs from 2nd grade students and affirmations from pleased parents, I will be glad to share the peer-reviewed evidence basis for teaching autism awareness, acceptance, and empathy.

To tell or not to tell ...

(adapted from our Feb. 2010 newsletter)

As we talk with parents of children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and their teachers, we are often asked a form of the following question: “Is it a good idea to share the student’s disability with his/ her classmates?” Teachers cannot share that information by law, as it violates the student’s privacy. Parents are often concerned the disclosure of the label will lead to bullying or teasing. And if a student is doing “fine”, why rock the boat, right?

As mothers of students with special needs ourselves, we consider our children’s developmental stage and self-awareness before deciding what information will be shared with whom and in what format. We encourage teams supporting students with autism to do the same.

Socially, we have found that children tease what they don’t understand. By taking the mystery out of the differences, we can begin to teach acceptance. Once we accept that the student’s limitations are not as a result of willful disobedience or failure to perform, we can start to foster empathy.

We have gone to schools before where there are a number of students in the same grade level with ASD. Some parents were willing to consent to disclose their child’s ASD, whereas others were not. In

those instances, when we come in to do a Peer Sensitivity Workshop (PSW), a couple of things happen: 

1. We are able to identify within minutes through observation who the other children on the spectrum are. 
2. As we interact with the typically-developing peers about autism, they ask about or comment on this classmate we suspect has ASD. Because we do not have parental consent, we will not discuss that child to maintain his or her privacy. However, it is important to note that many, if not all, of the children participating in the PSW have identified differences long before we came to teach them how to be good friends. And now instead of having their questions answered in a positive, caring atmosphere, they may be left wondering.

While we are not suggesting it is appropriate universally to divulge a child’s diagnosis, it is worthwhile for caregivers to do an honest cost-benefit analysis. In our opinion, it is better to start the discussion early so everyone is better equipped to be supportive.

If you want help establishing a common language and a culture of acceptance for your student with ASD, contact us (Chelsea 414-510-0385, Denise 262-391-1369).

Happy Thanksgiving!

First, a warm welcome to our new friends we met at the OCALI Conference and Exposition in Columbus, Ohio, last week!  Whether you came by our booth, attended our breakout, and/or purchased one or both of our DVDs, we appreciate your interest in creating a culture of acceptance at your school.

This is a great time for expressing gratitude in general.  As an organization, Good Friend appreciates each of its members and supporters who give of their time, talent, and monetary resources to keep the autism Awareness-Acceptance-Empathy message moving forward.  Nonprofit organizations rely on the generosity of others to sustain their missions, and Good Friend is no exception!  We are glad you understand that the work we do in building strong social foundations today becomes the base for our community's pillars -- employment opportunities, accessible recreation, and universally designed facilities where everyone's abilities are valued.

We also appreciate the schools that are taking time out of their day to equip their staff and students to recognize disability harassment, respond appropriately, and think proactively.  These schools that choose to engage Good Friend are aware that all students learn better when they feel safe and respected.

It's never too late to take steps toward creating a safe social climate at your school.  And if you're enjoying such a campus, we know you are thankful for it.  If not, get in touch with us and let's find a way to add that kind of climate to your list of things for which you're grateful.

Holiday Drop'n Shop; Sunday, Nov. 20!

We hope you'll drop in at Steinhafels (Waukesha, I-94 and Cty. Rd. F) on Sunday, Nov. 20th, from 2:30 - 5 p.m., for an afternoon of shopping and socializing -- all for a good cause!  Your favorite home-based vendors including Lia Sophia, Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, PartyLite, Pepper it Up, Tastefully Simple, Tupperware, and Uppercase Living will be set up in the Community Room (first floor) for your convenience.  And 25% of every sale will go toward Good Friend's Awareness-Acceptance-Empathy mission!

You bring your holiday shopping list. We'll bring the Girls-Day-Out atmosphere, which will include door prizes and grown-up refreshments.

No admission fee, no purchase, and no registration necessary.  Questions?  Call Denise at 262-391-1369.  And check back at www.goodfriendinc.com for updates as the event draws nearer!

SAVE THE DATE: Sunday, April 22, 2012

Coconuts and pineapple are probably not as appealing right now as pumpkins and cranberries, but think February, when team registration will begin for our 4th annual Hoa Aloha Autism Awareness Bowling Event. I don't know about you, but I'll be ready for a taste of the tropics during that home stretch of winter. And Good Friend will bring it to New Berlin Bowl (16000 W. Cleveland Ave.) during our two sessions, one at 10:30 a.m. and the other beginning at 1:00 p.m., on Sunday, April 22, 2012.

So start thinking about your team name (the ones with a Hawaiian flavor are always the best!) and participants (up to 6, with at least one adult age 21 or older).  And watch for details after the first of the year.  If you have any connections to bowling leagues or area lanes in southeast Wisconsin, please let Chelsea know, 414-510-0385, so we can get materials to them. We're looking forward to making this our biggest and best event ever!

And those diamond drop earrings? They'll be raffled off at New Berlin Bowl at 3:30. Raffle tickets for those are available, $5 for 1 and $20 for 5. Winner does not need to be present at the drawing, but will have to present the winning ticket to claim the earrings.

Sponsorship opportunities will be available as of November 1. Contact Chelsea for details.