A Season for Appreciation

While April is a great month for awareness (and acceptance), May is the perfect month for appreciation ... of teachers and mothers.

Last week, we celebrated teachers.  If you're the parent of a student with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), you probably particularly appreciate your child's teacherS.  Since I'm raising two students with special education needs, our family celebrates quite a host of educators.  We appreciate classroom teachers who strive to make their lessons inclusive of all learners, keeping individual needs in mind.  We appreciate special education teachers who meet with their colleagues in professional learning communities to adapt curriculum ahead of time.  We appreciate speech language pathologists who encourage other members of our students' teams to generalize newly-acquired skills.  We appreciate specially-designed phy ed teachers who travel from school to school in our district, often working with students in a wide range of age and ability, supporting them in their physical well-being.  We appreciate art and music teachers who are flexible, sometimes without much support from special educators.  We appreciate school nurses who dispense medication, and secretaries who smile while handing our kids a hall pass, and principals who show up to IEP meetings.  They're all teachers, too -- they teach our kiddos how to be the best them they can be.

On Sunday, we celebrated moms.  I celebrated my kids' grandmas, who've had to learn how to interact in a whole new way with their daughter's children.  In my own private reflection, I celebrated the moms who've gone before me on this journey of raising children with ASD; she who listened to her heart instead of her head (or an "expert") along the way, to her child's benefit; she who strapped on the figurative combat boots in case someone needed some *ahem* encouragement to see her perspective; she who collaborated and compromised to make sure her child would get the supports he or she needed.  Those moms inspire me to continue on our journey with diligence and excellence.  I also celebrated the moms of typically-developing children who are flexible enough to encourage their kids to befriend and support my kids, on school grounds and off.

Good Friend co-founder Denise did another kind of celebrating on Friday and Saturday.  She and another Good Friend autism mom were demonstrating and learning about the siblings of students with special needs through a training program by The Sibling Support Project.  Sibshops seek to increase the peer support and information opportunities for brothers and sisters of people with special needs, and to increase parents' and providers' understanding of sibling issues.  The programs appreciate these brothers and sisters, who will likely be in the lives of family members with special needs LONGER than anyone else.  They may be there after parents are gone and special education services are a distant memory.  Throughout their lives, siblings share many of the concerns that parents of children with special needs experience, including isolation, a need for information, guilt, concerns about the future and caregiving demands.  Siblings also face issues that are uniquely theirs including resentment, peer issues, embarrassment and pressure to achieve.

So here's to you, teachers, moms, and siblings.  We hope those around you continue to celebrate your awesomeness!

Autism and Relationships in Adolescence

In December, I chose to share some thoughts about friendship skills of students with ASD in preschool and elementary school.  As students move into secondary school (grades 6 through 12), the nature of their relationships change.  Puberty becomes a factor not only in physical development, but in social-emotional development as well.  And just as physical maturity varies wildly in this life phase, so does social-emotional maturity.

Most neurotypical (NT) tweens will form strong bonds with a select few peers.  This may be a nuclear group they retain from elementary school during the transition to middle school, or it may be a mix of peers: some from the "old" school, some from the "new" school, and others from extracurriculars (sports, faith-based groups, etc.).  Some may venture into "romantic" relationships, and even that will be a spectrum.  As they near the end of middle school, there will be those who fall "head over heels in love", forsaking their friend base to explore this new relationship category.  Others may dabble, but (appropriately) don't take these early romantic entanglements too seriously.

While parental engagement in an adolescent's social life is still necessary, children may begin to rely more on peer guidance for relationship management.  And for students on the autism spectrum, they may have precious few friends in middle and high school.  This may be by design; decoding unwritten social rules is exhausting.  Perhaps maintaining a couple key connections taps the available social resources for your student with autism.

Zachary Riggins, The University of Alabama

Just as parents of NT children seek to influence relationships in their adolescent's peer groups, those who care for students with ASD should also continue to guide and explain social relationships.  People with autism often miss the nonverbal communication styles that become increasingly important in secondary school.  Consequently, they may not respond appropriately.  Their inadvertently inappropriate response may offend a peer without proper understanding of autistic neurology.  And, in extreme cases, may draw the attention of authorities.

Besides the popular approaches to socializing such as video modeling or Comic Strip Conversations, you might consider laying down some ground rules.  Quantitative guidelines such as "2 text messages per day, per friend", or "1 phone call every 3 days" might help your teen establish boundaries that are healthy both for him or her and the friend.  Don't be afraid to use visual reminders of guidelines, such as sticky notes or checklists.  And be very careful about allowing adolescents with autism onto social media outlets where their social understanding (or lack thereof) can be exploited.  Squag is a great website for tweens and teens with autism (and their siblings) to start learning about personalizing a place on the Web using a safe, secure platform.

While it is important to encourage some independence in socialization for adolescents, it is imperative, for the well-being of our children, to remain actively involved in the development of healthy social-emotional skills.  Thank you to the speech language pathologists who are are purposefully working with students to be sure these skills -- which we know to be pre-employment qualities -- are nurtured!