'Of course you should understand me!'

If you're a long-time reader of this blog, you know that much of what we (Good Friend, Inc. co-founders Chelsea Budde and Denise Schamens) write about comes from personal experience.  Whether it's something we've encountered while "in the field" or in our own homes, raising children with differently-wired brains, it's often illustrative of a greater truth or broader concept.

For example, when I took my son back to his diagnosing neuropsychologist for a re-evaluation, she reminded me the importance of teaching everything -- using opportunities to describe emotions, perspectives.  So along those lines, when I or my husband does something "above and beyond" the call of duty, so to speak (Is there really any such thing?), for our son, we ask him, "Why would I do that?"  And he responds, "Because you love me."  It can be hard for him to remember that we love him when we're pushing him outside his comfort zone, so we like to rehearse this concept in moments of satisfied calm.

Recently, I unraveled a mystery about my boy before he did.  He was somewhat surprised by this.  I asked, "How do you think I knew that?"  Observing that he was unable to come up with an answer, I replied, "Because I understand you.  I've taken the time to listen and think about who you are, so I understand."

Quickly, he blurted out, from a parted wry smile, wagging his head with his hand on his hip, "Of course you should understand me!"  And while I laughed at first at his teenage 'tude, I realized how profoundly true that is.  And my heart broke a little for all the children whose caregivers don't understand them.  (To be fair, I don't always understand everything my son does or thinks or feels, because I'm not inside his body.  But I play detective when I don't understand to come up with a plausible explanation.)

In a HuffPost Entertainment blog article published last week by Caroline Presno, she quotes Dancing with the Stars' Tony Dovolani: "Anybody that has an autistic child or has one in their family, should take some time to get to know them because their life will be enriched by it."

And while our enrichment as people without autism shouldn't be the motivator to understand our loved ones and students with autism, it is a marvelous benefit.  Going back to The Figureheads' "We ALL Fit" lyrics -- "so much beauty unexpected."

We should take the time to understand our students and loved ones with autism because they deserve to be understood.  They are no less worthy of a comfortable environment, accessible education, social relationships, recreational opportunities, freedom of communication, quality mental and physical healthcare, and assertion of self-will than we are.

Communities have to build themselves on that inclusive foundation.  It will drive policies regarding human services and direct funding -- because we know people with autism are worthy.  

Good Friend, Inc., is just one small organization doing its part to reach children as young as 5 with that awareness-acceptance-empathy message.  Thanks for doing your part, too.

Milestones are fun, but people matter!

In this era of measurable outcomes, numbers are important.  How many were served?  What percentage of various ethnic groups were represented?  How much did it cost?  How long did it take?  And all of those things are important -- but not without people.  And not without each individual.

At Good Friend, Inc., we never started with a measuring stick.  We started with an idea that was born from the needs of people; more personally, two young boys with autism spectrum disorder.  Before Good Friend's Awareness. Acceptance. Empathy. motto was penned, we as mothers were doing our best to help our sons' peers to understand who they were and why they mattered.  When we did that, we broke down barriers to forming relationships.  Seeing those results, and hearing other parents' heartbreaks, made it worthwhile to pursue wider success.

From some of us (back: Pam Lara, Sarah Zubarik;
front: Ken Genin, Denise Schamens at our board meeting
earlier this month) to all of you!

So while we're excited to tell you about some milestones, please remember that YOU matter.  And your student matters.  And that's why we do any of this at all.

• Good Friend just celebrated its 7th "birthday"!
• We ALL Fit was accepted into its first film festival!
• We're officially going international! (The film festival is in Canada.)
• Our music video by The Figureheads has passed 18K views!
• We're moving into our first brick-and-mortar office next month! (Stay tuned for details about our "Grand Opening".)

Thank you for the role you played in helping us achieve these milestones.  Without your support, we could not have taken our message to more than 25K people ... and who knows how many more with the DVDs we've sold!?!

And let me bring this full-circle.  Today is my birthday, and last night, my 15-year-old son brought me flowers -- his own idea.  And while I might open his gift to me and it may be a picture of one of his special interests that he can't wait to share (because it brings him joy, therefore it must me also), those flowers are a milestone: He thought of something I like that holds no interest for him whatsoever.

May your milestones be celebrated today and always.

Good News: Red Carpet Premiere Party was a HUGE success!

Seems like Good Friend, Inc.'s hometown of Waukesha, Wis., has been the epicenter for a lot of bad news over the last few days.  Let me tell you some good news that will warm your heart.  And let me replace those sad images with inspiring ones.

On Wednesday, May 28, we welcomed joyfully more than 200 community members from southeastern Wisconsin to northern Illinois, from toddlers to retirees, to be part of a culmination of dreams and fulfillment of miracles.  More than 30 VIPs -- cast and crew members from We ALL Fit, dressed in their finest attire -- walked the red carpet at Marcus Majestic, right on the Waukesha/Brookfield edge.

As the program got underway in the packed auditorium, we explained "silent clapping" to our guests: instead of making a lot of noise that might be startling and uncomfortable for some of our guests, we opted to raise our hands in the air and shake them to demonstrate our appreciation.  And there was a lot of appreciating going on that night.

We appreciated fathers who support their
sons, regardless of their differences.

We appreciated families who make autism
awareness, acceptance, and empathy a joint effort.

We appreciated title sponsor AutoZone (staff members lower left
corner), whose Milwaukee regional manager Tony Blackmer
decided to pick up the tab for the venue on Good Friend's behalf.

We appreciated moms who cry as they think about
what this film means to the community at large.

We appreciated families and friends and neighbors
enjoying a rare night out at the movies.

We appreciated that people with autism are extraordinary,
often possessing amazing skills, like playing One Direction
songs on the recorder.

We hope you have an opportunity to see our latest autism peer sensitivity film soon.  We ALL Fit is now available on DVD through our website store.  We are also receptive to doing free community screenings around Wisconsin and northern Illinois.  If you think you can get at least 40 guests to attend, contact me (chelsea@goodfriendinc.com) and we'll set something up.

We appreciated our young stars, some
of whom just needed someone to believe
in them in order to believe in themselves.

Talking about an ASD Diagnosis

Following a recent Good Friend Peer Sensitivity Workshop, an observer remarked how she had seen similar presentations about autism, but the presenter never actually used the word "autism".  I thought that was much like talking about reproduction without mentioning the sex organs: not very helpful, and one leaves with more questions than useful information.  I believe parents of children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) should approach "the talk" about autism in much the same way they would "the talk" about those reproductive and sexuality issues.  You don't divulge every detail at once, but continually reveal and unpack details as they become relevant.

Though this quotation is often attributed to Albert Einstein,
there is no evidence that's accurate. So let this say
what it will to you in light of this discussion topic.

For example, a 4-year-old with autism might be receiving some sort of therapy as an intervention for related symptoms.  It's okay to let your child know that the lady he sees at school helps him with making words.  A 10-year-old on the spectrum might be struggling with the dance unit in Phy Ed.  It's a great idea to explain that sometimes gross motor coordination (moving big muscle groups) is difficult for her, but she's amazing at memorizing details -- and both are tied to the way her brain is wired.

Because by the time a 13-year-old with ASD is contemplating suicide because he doesn't understand why he's so different and/or being bullied by his peers, you've missed some crucial opportunities to foster self-awareness.

Of course, not all adolescents with ASD will despair of their lives. In fact, the majority will not. However, a study published by Penn State College of Medicine's Angela Gorman, Assistant Professor of Child Psychiatry, and researchers, as reported by Science Daily (March 13, 2013), sets off some important warnings:

The researchers found that the percentage of children with autism rated by their parents as sometimes to very often contemplating or attempting suicide was 28 times greater than that of typical children, though three times less than that of depressed non-autistic children. The four demographic variables [Black or Hispanic, 10 years old or older, socioeconomic status and male] were significant risk factors, as well. 

"That was probably the most important piece of the study," said Gorman. "If you fell into any of those categories and were rated to be autistic by a parent, the more categories you were a part of increased your chances for experiencing suicidal ideation or attempts."

The study also notes that children with ASD who were teased or bullied were more likely to consider or attempt suicide.  An essay in this month's Good Housekeeping magazine by Jackie Mercurio is a painful vignette of that reality.

If you've been following any of the #IMFAR2014 chatter, you might have gleaned that Marsha Mailick, director of the Waisman Center (Madison, Wis.), spoke in her keynote address at the International Society for Autism Research Conference about parent positivity as a powerful determinant of quality of life for adults with ASD, per her research.

What does all this mean for you as a parent?  In my opinion, your child has the right to know about his or her autism.  But I encourage you to keep some things in mind when you decide to have "the talk":

• Your child will take cues about how to feel about autism from you.  If you're not okay with it, don't expect him/her to be, either.
• Keep your side of the conversation hopeful, positive, and accepting.  As you explain a struggle connected to autism, be sure to remind about a strength, too.
• Validate your child's feelings.  Unless you have autism, too, you don't really know what it's like to live with autism in your body.  Don't minimize what your child is experiencing, whether physically or emotionally.  
• This is an ongoing conversation.  Look for opportunities to add depth, connection, and meaning to the foundation you lay.  Maybe read Jennifer Elder's Different Like Me or listen to The Figureheads' "We ALL Fit" or visit Carly Fleischmann's Café.
• You have LOTS to learn from your child with autism, too!  Often times, the one who needs perspective-taking is the one who does NOT have autism.  We each assume others' sensory experiences and social preferences are similar to our own.  That can be dangerous.
• Look for ways to help your child find his or her "tribe".  It's about the coolest thing ever to observe the interactions between people of similar neurology and realize they have a profound culture all their own.  Encouraging inclusion doesn't mean that you remove your child's autistic manifestations to "fit into" a world created by the majority neurology.  It means you recognize those manifestations of autism and consider them across environments, encouraging systemic changes that will foster meaningful participation.

I recognize that telling your child about his or her autism is your right as a parent.  Please -- consider your child's right to self-awareness and the importance of self-advocacy as you decide what information to sequester.

And let's learn from each other!  For those with autism, do you remember being specifically told you had been diagnosed with ASD?  For parents, do you have some encouraging remarks about your experience with your child on the spectrum learning about his/her neurology?  For educators and administrators, how have you seen self-awareness benefit your students with ASD?

Register for the premiere of 'We ALL Fit'!

We look forward to seeing you at the Red Carpet Premiere Party of our newest autism peer sensitivity film, We ALL Fit!  But your admission to the May 28 event requires a ticket, and you can't get a ticket unless you register online here.  Have the names of your guests ready to enter in the form.  If you want all the tickets for your party mailed to a single address, there's no need to complete the address information for other guests.  Tickets will be mailed May 19.

Doors open at 6:15, and the program begins at 6:30 p.m.

This hour-long event hosted at Marcus Majestic is intended for those age 4 and up.  Formal attire is welcome, but not required.  Popcorn and soft drinks will be served, thanks to the generosity of our sponsors: AutoZone, Wisconsin Vein Center, The Ability Center, and Ford Construction Co.

Email chelsea@goodfriendinc.com if you have any questions.

It's coming! The release of "We ALL Fit" is less than four weeks away!

We at Good Friend, Inc., could not be more excited about the premiere of our latest autism peer sensitivity film, "We ALL Fit"!  Never has one of our products been the culmination of so much research, collaboration, and experience.  With careful consideration of the learning styles of intermediate childhood (ages 6-10), we put together a multimedia presentation that would meet learners where they're at.  With a Community Conversation about Meaningful Inclusion in Elementary School, we covered social emotional topics teachers and parents believed important.  With a research study illustrating what students still needed to know after our services were delivered, we loaded this film with tools.  We field tested and tweaked and tested again.  We gathered feedback from students and teachers and researchers.  And this is it.

On Wednesday, May 28, from 6:30-7:30 p.m., nearly 250 people will assemble at the Marcus Majestic Theatre in Brookfield, Wis., to see "We ALL Fit" on the big screen.  We are currently registering cast and crew and their guests, but will open the event up to the general public in just six days.  Registration will be required to procure a ticket, and a ticket is required for admission.  There is no fee for the ticket.  (Event sponsors such as AutoZone are offsetting costs.  Sponsor opportunities are still available.  Email chelsea@goodfriendinc.com for more info.)  Since the target audience for the film are students in K-5th grade, the event is meant to be family-friendly.  Our cast and crew are encouraged to wear their finest evening wear to walk the red carpet.  So if you want to go all out, too, feel free!

Here's what inclusion expert Paula Kluth, Ph.D., has to say about "We ALL Fit", which is being considered by film festivals in Toronto and Chicago:

"Another useful classroom resource from Good Friend, Inc.! This short video not only offers ideas for building community in the classroom, but provides opportunities for all learners to build communication, collaboration, teaching, and advocacy skills. With each viewing, every member of the classroom can learn something new about getting and giving support, about friendship, and about true inclusion."

How better to mark Mental Health Awareness Month than with a healthy dose of "We ALL Fit"?!  Check out the music video this week, Children's Mental Health Awareness Week, which now boasts nearly 16K views and more than 300 Likes.  Use it to start a conversation in your class or family.  And keep watching the blog all month for more information!