Celebrating Jeff's Decade of Service to GFI!

Good Friend magic happens only because we have a team of people who believe in our vision of Autism Understanding through Respectful Education. Part of that team includes our volunteer Board of Directors.

Jeff Schill, who once attended college with GFI co-founder Chelsea Budde, uses his professional superpowers at Crisis Prevention Institute. His position at CPI allowed him to reconnect with Chelsea back in 2009 at a national autism conference. Without hesitation, he agreed to lend his expertise to our mission through service on our Board.

Please join us in extending appreciation for the many hours Jeff has dedicated to GFI over the last decade!

Good News: Red Carpet Premiere Party was a HUGE success!

Seems like Good Friend, Inc.'s hometown of Waukesha, Wis., has been the epicenter for a lot of bad news over the last few days.  Let me tell you some good news that will warm your heart.  And let me replace those sad images with inspiring ones.

On Wednesday, May 28, we welcomed joyfully more than 200 community members from southeastern Wisconsin to northern Illinois, from toddlers to retirees, to be part of a culmination of dreams and fulfillment of miracles.  More than 30 VIPs -- cast and crew members from We ALL Fit, dressed in their finest attire -- walked the red carpet at Marcus Majestic, right on the Waukesha/Brookfield edge.

As the program got underway in the packed auditorium, we explained "silent clapping" to our guests: instead of making a lot of noise that might be startling and uncomfortable for some of our guests, we opted to raise our hands in the air and shake them to demonstrate our appreciation.  And there was a lot of appreciating going on that night.

We appreciated fathers who support their
sons, regardless of their differences.

We appreciated families who make autism
awareness, acceptance, and empathy a joint effort.

We appreciated title sponsor AutoZone (staff members lower left
corner), whose Milwaukee regional manager Tony Blackmer
decided to pick up the tab for the venue on Good Friend's behalf.

We appreciated moms who cry as they think about
what this film means to the community at large.

We appreciated families and friends and neighbors
enjoying a rare night out at the movies.

We appreciated that people with autism are extraordinary,
often possessing amazing skills, like playing One Direction
songs on the recorder.

We hope you have an opportunity to see our latest autism peer sensitivity film soon.  We ALL Fit is now available on DVD through our website store.  We are also receptive to doing free community screenings around Wisconsin and northern Illinois.  If you think you can get at least 40 guests to attend, contact me (chelsea@goodfriendinc.com) and we'll set something up.

We appreciated our young stars, some
of whom just needed someone to believe
in them in order to believe in themselves.

It's coming! The release of "We ALL Fit" is less than four weeks away!

We at Good Friend, Inc., could not be more excited about the premiere of our latest autism peer sensitivity film, "We ALL Fit"!  Never has one of our products been the culmination of so much research, collaboration, and experience.  With careful consideration of the learning styles of intermediate childhood (ages 6-10), we put together a multimedia presentation that would meet learners where they're at.  With a Community Conversation about Meaningful Inclusion in Elementary School, we covered social emotional topics teachers and parents believed important.  With a research study illustrating what students still needed to know after our services were delivered, we loaded this film with tools.  We field tested and tweaked and tested again.  We gathered feedback from students and teachers and researchers.  And this is it.

On Wednesday, May 28, from 6:30-7:30 p.m., nearly 250 people will assemble at the Marcus Majestic Theatre in Brookfield, Wis., to see "We ALL Fit" on the big screen.  We are currently registering cast and crew and their guests, but will open the event up to the general public in just six days.  Registration will be required to procure a ticket, and a ticket is required for admission.  There is no fee for the ticket.  (Event sponsors such as AutoZone are offsetting costs.  Sponsor opportunities are still available.  Email chelsea@goodfriendinc.com for more info.)  Since the target audience for the film are students in K-5th grade, the event is meant to be family-friendly.  Our cast and crew are encouraged to wear their finest evening wear to walk the red carpet.  So if you want to go all out, too, feel free!

Here's what inclusion expert Paula Kluth, Ph.D., has to say about "We ALL Fit", which is being considered by film festivals in Toronto and Chicago:

"Another useful classroom resource from Good Friend, Inc.! This short video not only offers ideas for building community in the classroom, but provides opportunities for all learners to build communication, collaboration, teaching, and advocacy skills. With each viewing, every member of the classroom can learn something new about getting and giving support, about friendship, and about true inclusion."

How better to mark Mental Health Awareness Month than with a healthy dose of "We ALL Fit"?!  Check out the music video this week, Children's Mental Health Awareness Week, which now boasts nearly 16K views and more than 300 Likes.  Use it to start a conversation in your class or family.  And keep watching the blog all month for more information!

THIS is autism!

As a parent of two children with autism spectrum disorder, and as a professional who's spent the last six years working toward autism acceptance in schools, I found Suzanne Wright's blog posting, "Autism Speaks Point of View" for last week, incredibly offensive.  Apparently, so did hundreds of others, whose comments at first were allowed on the website just below the posting.  Those have since been removed and comments are no longer recorded (there).

Not surprisingly, it's creating a backlash.  Throughout the week, individuals with autism, parents, and others who value the dignity of those with autism rejected Wright's depiction of families who have a loved one with autism as "not living" but "existing" in "despair" and "fear of the future".  As I read to my daughter Wright's horrible characterization of raising children with autism, which was to be a rally cry for Autism Speaks' policymaking summit in Washington, D.C., she crinkled her face in confusion.  I raised my voice in indignation.  This is NOT autism.  Not for us.  Not for our family.  Not for Good Friend.

our family in 2012

Perhaps the Wrights, co-founders of Autism Speaks, have been tainted by negativism.  In their desire to "not sugarcoat the impact of autism" (one of the eight guiding principles of the recent #AS2DC summit), maybe they've lost sight themselves of the gifts, the talents, the dignity of children and adults (who should not be lumped in with minors) with autism.

By virtue of our Awareness-Acceptance-Empathy mission, Denise and I have had the honor of meeting 100 children with ASD and their families (if only over the phone) since 2007.  According to a few of them, THIS is autism:

• Ben loves NASCAR.  He demonstrates his appreciation of his peers' interaction by drawing them pictures.
• David has an amazing memory.  His classmates also know that he's likely to beat them in a game of HORSE at the basketball hoop.
• Paige is such a quick learner that she figured out how to write her own Social Stories.
• Reid is quite the movie buff.  Ask him about producers, directors, and run times, especially about the Avengers movies, and he'll wow you!
• Avery's family watches "Wheel of Fortune" together.
• Nathan is learning to use words to communicate verbally.  And even though he's in kindergarten, he's already reading at a 2nd grade level.

Yes, some of these parents and grandparents needed resources.  We were glad to give them ideas.  Yes, some of them were tired.  We were glad to encourage them.  Yes, some were frustrated.  It was our pleasure to offer them hope.  That is what it means to belong to a community; not to make others lament our existence, but to pull the little red wagon, as in Margaret Katter's poem, when someone needs a break.

Little Red Wagon, by Margaret Katter 

Some days we skip along,
pulling our red wagons with great confidence –
so full of energy that the load seems light. 

Some days the load seems heavy
and we need someone to help us
pull our wagons over the bumps in the road. 

Some days we are just tired.
We sit in our wagons and let someone else
pull us along for a while. 

As you think about yesterday, and make plans for tomorrow,
keep in mind that there will be times when you can help
pull someone’s little red wagon for a while. 

After all, helping to pull each other’s little red wagon
is what makes it possible
to face the challenges the day brings.

I applaud the effort of bringing national attention to the needs for supports and services that many individuals with autism and families and caregivers require, but cannot access.  But I refuse to surrender the pride I have in who my children are today, who they were yesterday, and who they will be tomorrow for that national attention.  And I certainly will not tarnish the glow of the dozens of shining faces of autism we've connected positively with thousands of their peers.

I believe that change in national policy will happen when autism awareness, acceptance, and empathy pervade legislatures.  When each of us as advocates show those who don't understand how worthy of support people with autism are, we promote compassionate, effective responses.  Please continue to live out Good Friend's mission wherever you are.

"A Difference for the Good"

I could spend the next month's worth of blogs breaking down the lyrics of The Figureheads' original song, "We ALL Fit", written and produced for Good Friend's upcoming elementary school peer sensitivity film of the same title.  And each week I could focus on a phrase that has come to mean so much more to me over the process of observing the interactions on the film and music video sets.  But with the video scheduled to be available on YouTube within the next month, I don't want to infuse my own experiences into the song for you.  I want you to tell us your stories!

Jeremy Bryan, Dave Olson, and Greg Marshall
of The Figureheads on the set of our music video

Still, I can't resist these lines from the bridge:

And if I had a friend
Someone who understood
Then that would make a difference,
a difference for the good.

What difference has having a friend (or a group of friends) had in your life?  Go back to your elementary school days.  What about then?  What did it mean to you to have a friend?  Forget about trauma and tragedy, like parents divorcing or grandparents dying.  What if you didn't have a friend to get through the daily things, like learning to ride your bike?  Or letting you borrow a pencil when yours broke?  Or handing you a tissue when you were about to sneeze?

What if you wanted a friend desperately, but you were dropped into a new foreign language immersion school, and you didn't speak the language?  Now you need a friend more than ever, but you don't have the tools to connect.  You can't tell them about your interests and don't know how to ask them about theirs.

Consider for a moment that this is what it's like to have autism.  You don't speak the social language, and you don't understand the nonverbal components that are inherent in the customs of this neurotypical world.  But you need a friend.  Because you know that that would make a difference for the good.  Your friend would help you make sense of what you see and hear.  Your friend would stand up for you when others, unaware of the way your brain is wired, tease, belittle, and bully you.  Your friend would see when you need space and when you need support.

When one of the 9-year-old members of our cast heard the bridge for the first time, he told his mom, while rocking to self-regulate and connect to the music's beat, "That's just like me."  She and I had tears in our eyes as we pondered and observed, convicted by the simplicity and the heartbreak of the truth of it all.

Please consider today how you can encourage your typically-developing students to be a friend to a classmate with autism.  If you're not sure how to teach them to make a difference for the good, Good Friend would be happy to help!

Autism Awareness Activities in Elementary Schools

Last year, I was so impressed by the efforts of the Swanson Elementary community in Brookfield, Wis.  I was certain they were an anomaly in the education universe.  But I am glad to report I am WRONG!  There are other metro Milwaukee schools (and you likely know of one in your area) capitalizing on the opportunities Autism Awareness Month affords for the building of a culture of acceptance.

What's unique about Cushing Elementary in Delafield, Wis., is that the staff (namely, Occupational Therapist Teresa Wozniak) has an annual plan to address peer awareness throughout the school year.  To complement her work, which includes reading books and answering questions about students with diverse abilities, autism parents Mary Day and Karen Cain started planning additional activities for April way back in the fall.  Here's what they did this month:

• Displayed original posters throughout the school with helpful tips about autism, and draped a banner across the school's entrance.
• Decorated an informative bulletin board in the foyer showcasing famous people who have autism.
• Asked students to write letters of support to their classmates with autism to demonstrate how much they care.
• Organized a staff luncheon of appreciation.
• Had student leaders make blue puzzle piece pins for all school community members to wear. 
• Recommended all students wear blue on April 17th, following two days of Good Friend Peer Sensitivity Workshops by grade level.

This multi-modal, wrap-around model of autism awareness fosters acceptance and empathy, and moves autism from the shadows of understanding the the positive light of social relatedness.  Teachers at Cushing incorporated this concept into their curriculum, leading mini-lessons on the topic which could be tied back to learning standards.

Karen said, "I can't tell you how many times, while I have been at school, I have been stopped by staff to tell me how happy they are and love what we have done."  We were glad to be a part of it!  And we could tell by the insight of the peers and the thoughtfulness of their questions that they were learning invaluable social-emotional lessons.

What did your school do this month to promote autism acceptance?  What will you plan to do for the 2013-'14 school year?

What comes after Awareness?

It's a busy month in the Good Friend calendar: Autism Awareness Month.  We caregivers are all bustling about with blue in our 'dos and shining our lights and wearing our puzzle piece pins.  And as my own children with ASD get older (they're now 14 and 11), they're taking more notice of all the buzz.  As they take more notice and I explain in more depth, it all adds to their self-awareness.  So in our household, Autism Awareness Month really is a triple threat (and I mean that in a benign way): It's important to me as a mom, to our organization's work, and to my kids as people with ASD.

One of the tweets I (follow ChelseaMB) posted on World Autism Awareness Day was met with the following question: "after aware, then what?" [sic].  For me, the reply took far fewer than 140 characters and was instant:  Just what #GoodFriendInc stands for: ACCEPTANCE and EMPATHY!  I didn't need to ponder that.  It's what I've been focused on through Good Friend for the last five years, and even longer as a mom.

Good Friend's philosophy is that you can't explain what you can't name, so Awareness is step one.  That's what makes Autism Awareness Month so foundational.  But it cannot stop there.  Once we are aware, we work toward understanding.  Understanding leads to Acceptance.  That's step two.  When we move into understanding autism on an experiential level, we foster Empathy.  This is the step where the magic happens.  Once we've felt what it might be like for our friends with autism, we can become natural supports for them.  We will remember what we've learned when we see our friend or colleague with autism struggling, and will respond in a constructive -- versus judgmental -- way.

Constructive responses lead to successful interactions.  And more than anything else, success begets success.

So while I realize that blue for autism in April won't create autism-friendly jobs in May, it certainly does create opportunities for discussions!  Seize those opportunities to discuss with your students, your co-workers, and your community members.  Create awareness of the strengths of individuals with ASD.  Create awareness of the resources in your community, or discuss what's lacking and call the stakeholders to the collaborative table to figure out how it can be manifested.  Self-advocates: Improve self-awareness of your talents and capitalize on them.  Become aware of what supports might be there for you and put those tools in your toolbox.

Awareness is the foundation; keep building!

HighLight It Up Blue, year 2!

Welcome to the 2nd annual Good Friend HighLight It Up Blue for Autism campaign!  Last year, well over 100 of you in the metro Milwaukee area visited Salon Brillaré in Pewaukee, or went to one of our on-location events in Waukesha, New Berlin, or Milwaukee, to get blue natural hair extensions, feathers, and/or sparkly tinsel strands to help create autism awareness.  This year, we've added two more stylists and locations!

Not only will Janet D'Amato be taking appointments at Salon Brillaré, but also Erin Hitt at Merle Norman Salon (Brookfield Square) and Gina Andrade of Hair by Gina (a Solo Salon, Waukesha)!  For $10, clients can choose one product, or pump it up or mix and match any three choices for $25 (per client).  New clients are welcome!  And they'll be at our Hoa Aloha Autism Awareness Bowling Event on April 14!  We're working on other on-location opportunities.  Stay tuned to our Facebook event page for more information.  Or if you'd like to get us in at your school or office, and you're sure at least 10 people would participate over the course of an hour or two, contact Chelsea (414-510-0385).

I know, I know -- it's extreme, right?  Blue hair?!  How the heck are you supposed to blend with blue hair?  That's kind of the point.  We don't want students with autism to feel like they have to blend.  They have an invisible disability with some very visible manifestations.  Be willing to stand out and stand up for them during National Autism Awareness Month!

But if blue hair is just too personal, what about blue light bulbs outside your house?  Check out Autism Speaks' Light It Up Blue campaign.  World Autism Awareness Day is April 2!  Blue it up!

Coconuts + Autism Awareness = Hoa Aloha

There's nothing like the thought of Hawaii to bring a smile to our frozen winter faces!  When we first started planning our bowling event more than five years ago, we chose a theme that has become the spirit of our most significant annual fundraiser.  Hoa Aloha means good friend, and that's what this family-friendly day is all about.  It's the spirit of ohana -- a family sense of working together without judgment, where no one is left behind or forgotten.

We bring in ramps for our younger bowlers or those without the upper body strength to get the ball to roll down the lane.  We can put the gutter guards up so knocking down pins is more likely.  We understand when the noise and the waiting becomes too much for our friends with autism and they run out of ways to cope.  We exchange compassionate glances instead of disapproving stares.  We raise our eyebrows with joy instead of furrowing them with scorn.  We support each other, understanding that while one in 88 of us has autism spectrum disorder, we're all in it together.

Awareness. Acceptance. Empathy.

If that sounds like the kind of mission you'd like to support, please get a team of four to six bowlers together and register to join us at New Berlin Bowl on Sunday, April 14, starting either at 10:30 a.m. or 1:00 p.m.   You'll have two hours and fifteen minutes to bowl two games.  For $110, your team members will get shoe rentals, unlimited soft drinks, plus the two games and a festive lei per person.  They'll be qualified to win great prizes in the following categories:

• Top Fundraiser - Individual: a Toshiba 50" LED L2200U HDTV 1080p 60Hz
• Top Fundraiser - Individual, Runner-Up: an Apple iPad mini
• Top Fundraiser - Team: TBA
• Highest Score: Miller-Coors products
• Best Costumes - Team: New Berlin Ale House Bowling Party for Ten People
• Best Costume - Child: TBA
• Most Gutter Balls: TBA
• Most Creative Use of a Coconut: the coveted coconut bowl from Pepper it Up pottery!

PLUS DOOR PRIZES!  Here's how you get a chance (or several) to get in on those ...

• Raise at least $10 in donor pledges.
• Wear a Good Friend shirt.
• Be a current member of Good Friend.
• Show up with blue in your 'do. (stay tuned for more on this year's HighLight It Up Blue campaign!)

Participants can also have their team photo taken by a professional photographer at no charge!  (Donations appreciated.)  Even if you don't want to come and bowl, you can pick up some raffle tickets for your chance to win a Brewers VIP Package for four, get some goodies (including fresh popcorn and gluten-free selections!) at the bake sale, or just grab lunch at the Ale House and cheer on your favorite bowlers.

We are grateful for those who support our staff and student trainings through this fundraising opportunity, and for all the volunteers who make it happen!  Watch for updates on our Facebook event page.

A Spectrum of Friends

First, to honor the lives of the students and staff lost in the Sandy Hook community in Connecticut ...  There is no amount of explanation that will heal hearts, but we hope our prayers for the survivors and tears for the slain will resound across miles and time.

This week's topic was to be based on friendship in elementary school -- a follow-up to last week's thoughts regarding peer relationships in early childhood.  It seems now, with these budding first grade friendships forever frozen, a respectful tribute of sorts.

There are three main considerations of peer relationships in elementary school as they apply to students with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).  First, that they are a necessary part of social-emotional development and mental health.  Second, that they will exist, but perhaps to a differing depth and breadth than their neurotypical (NT) peers will experience.  And finally, that they should be specifically developed and nurtured for mutual benefit.

As we look at the determinants of quality of life for adults living with autism, we notice that connections in the community are key.  Jobs, recreational opportunities, and social/familial relationships help us, whether we have typically-wired brains or not.  Learning to form and derive enjoyment from these connections starts in elementary school.  Tony Attwood, author of The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome and a world-renowned clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of individuals with ASD, notes that the ages of 4 to 6 years are critical for motivating these early friendship skills.  While social impairment is a diagnostic criteria for an ASD diagnosis, it doesn't mean that relationships are less important to the development of someone with autism.  It helps to understand, however, that these relationships may look different than those between NT peers.

Many individuals with autism prefer to interact with people either younger or much older than they.  In the case of elementary school students, the 3rd grader may gravitate toward 1st graders on the playground; or the 2nd grader may bond with his speech-language pathologist versus his classmate.  In the case of the former, delayed social maturity may play a role, as well as a sense of competence around less-complicated unwritten social rules.  For the student who prefers to socialize with adults, contributing factors could include a penchant for specialized conversational topics (i.e., migratory patterns of birds or dinosaurs of the Mesozoic Era), an acceptance or level of patience not experienced among peers, or a gravitation to the familiar (in the instance of children receiving many hours per week of adult-driven therapies and interventions).

Whatever those early connections are, channel them into platforms for generalizing positive social behaviors.  Speech therapists can use the foundations of these friendships to seed new social skills, such as turn taking in conversation or noticing tone of voice and body language.  Since words only account for (at best) a third of our communication, "speech" skills are inextricably tied to these social nuances so elusive to our friends with autism.

So maybe elementary school-aged children with autism might not have the quantity of friends their NT classmates have, but the quality of their early friendships is immeasurable.  They are the building blocks of critical social development, eventually contributing toward peer acceptance and positive self-image.

And we should not ignore the benefit that students with typical brain development derive from these opportunities to learn, relate, and grow.  One of my son's very first friends was able to decrease his own school-related anxiety by focusing on the help he provided to my boy.  Studies on Peer-Mediated Instruction and Intervention programs have demonstrated that specifically-trained mentors achieve better academically and feel more fulfilled because of their engagement in these relationships.  They become less self-absorbed and more empathetic.  They develop leadership skills and flexibility -- traits which will eventually make them more employable, as well.

Ultimately, children with autism should have a spectrum of friends: ones they can share their special interests with, ones who help them be the best social being they can be by gently pushing development of new skills, ones they can feel competent with at their social-emotional level, and ones who accept them right where they're at, regardless of outward manifestations of their autism.  Are we as NTs any different in our need for a diverse friend base?

Giving Tuesday

Have you heard of this concept?  There's Black Friday the day after Thanksgiving which generally helps big box retail; and Small Business Saturday follows that, whereby consumers are encouraged to "shop small" and patronize their local retailers.  Today is Cyber Monday, and I'm sure many of you are postponing reading this week's blog to get all the online deals.

Tomorrow is an important day for autism awareness, acceptance, and empathy.  At least it is to us at Good Friend.  Giving Tuesday is about looking at the bigger picture -- drawing back from the sales and the hype and considering how you want to make a difference.  How do you want to give?  Do you want to give of your time to your favorite cause?  Do you want to donate on behalf of someone on your gift list?  Do you want to purchase something that supports your beliefs?  Do you want to share your priorities?

Good Friend is drawing very near to reaching directly its 20,000th person with its awareness-acceptance-empathy message.  This has happened because you have given.  If you've purchased a DVD, you are both sharing the message with others through the use of the peer sensitivity film and helping us to teach students to be good friends to their classmates with autism.

So on this Giving Tuesday, please honor our 501(c)(3) nonprofit: Buy a t-shirt for your favorite service provider or relative, make a donation in honor of a loved one with autism, or share our mission with your Facebook and twitter contacts.  We are so thankful for your support!

I speak autism!

As part of Good Friend's Peer Sensitivity Workshops, Denise and I conduct phone interviews with the primary caregiver and most relevant staff member so we can get an understanding of how our student subject "ticks".  We have a prescribed form we go through, typing answers and sometimes delving deeper into comments as we go along.  I often find myself chuckling at many of the described behaviors.  Clearly, the interviewee doesn't find these eccentricities nearly as charming as I do.  As a result, I can sense the parent's or teacher's confusion on the other end of the call about my lighthearted giggle.  Sometimes, I have to explain.

I have two children with ASD, ages 13 and 11.  And I've met dozens and dozens of individuals with autism through my experiences, both personal and professional.  As I make connections about these amazing people and consider the factors driving many of their behaviors (preferences, aversions, repetitive acts, etc.), I can't help but feel blessed to know them and understand the meaning of these behaviors.

For example, I've heard about so many children with ASD, boys in particular, who do not like babies.  I've come to understand that babies present a host of unpredictable sensory experiences (i.e., loud crying, smelly spit-up and messy diapers) that make being in their presence anxiety-provoking for these guys.  This is true for my own son, who has several young cousins -- many of whom have gone rather "unappreciated" by my boy until, perhaps as preschoolers, they're ready to show some interest in his favorite topics.  So these moments of his endearingly awkward interactions flash before my eyes as I'm talking to these teachers and parents, and I have to smile.  Sometimes out loud.

But making connections and understanding how people with autism are wired doesn't mean that autism is my native language.  I speak it because of cultural immersion, but I wasn't born with autism in my body.  So while this immersion makes me fluent in autism, it doesn't make a true expert.  Certainly, I can interpret autism for neuro-typicals who don't speak the language themselves, but the best way to understand autism is to interact with the experts.

Not sure why your person with autism behaves in a specific way?  ASK (politely in a moment of calm and clarity)!  You might be surprised about the insight you gain and the level of self-awareness your person has.  Little or no reliable means of communication yet?  Play detective!  The Iceberg Model of Autism (Eric Schopler, TEACCH, 1994) reminds us that the observable behavior is just the tip of the iceberg, and what's beneath those acts is generally a combination of environmental contributors (sensory perception, social or processing differences, etc.).  Listen actively.

What discoveries have you made as you've learned the language and culture of autism?

The Power of Compliments

This week, I'm going back to Tony Attwood's presentation ...

So many of the things he said during last week's seminar resonate beyond the population of individuals with ASD.  He spoke of the importance of compliments in relationships, particularly as they apply to romantic relationships.  In fact, nearly 15 years ago, he worked with Carol Gray to develop a prescription of sorts for compliment formulation and delivery for adults with ASD, available through this download.  The argument for the necessity of such a manual is rooted in both the complexity and the benefits of compliments.

submitted by Gagandeep

The definition seems straight-forward enough:

com·pli·ment/ˈkämpləmənt/

 

Noun:

A polite expression of praise or admiration.

But the practicing of compliment delivery is littered with subtleties that sometimes we neuro-typicals take for granted.  Questions arise:  How many compliments should I give in a specific time frame?  And what should I compliment someone on?  Does it matter if the compliment is given to a man or woman?  Are certain compliments inappropriate to give to a stranger, but okay for a close friend? ... and many more.

When we were developing Good Friend's curriculum for Peer Sensitivity Workshops five years ago, we were inspired by Ellen Sabin's inclusion of an exercise in The Autism Acceptance Book that encourages classmates to compliment each other.  When we practiced this in schools, we were dismayed by how difficult it was for elementary school-aged students to understand and deliver compliments.  They, particularly the girls, have little trouble complimenting an article of clothing or a hairstyle, but speaking about character or skills in a kind way is clearly not an inherent ability for most students.

Imagine how much more difficult it can be, then, for these NT peers to compliment their classmate with ASD!  With the societal disorder of seeing differences as deficiencies, looking for the expressions of praise or admiration for a person with autism seems foreign.  But when given the proper focus on a person's strengths instead of his weaknesses, the compliments flow freely.  And since Tony Attwood notes that people on the spectrum crave positive feedback and are desperate for respect and value, we who surround these individuals should be lavishing compliments on them as well.

What was the last compliment you gave your person with ASD?

"You're smart when you're calm."

Thankfully for me and my personal and professional life, there is no shortage of brilliance in the autism universe.  I've had the privilege, beginning in 2004, to see dozens of people through conferences and seminars who've become my autism heroes over the years.  Their knowledge of autism and related experience has made me a better mother and educator.

Tony Attwood's was the first presentation I attended.  At the time, I had a five-year-old son with PDD-NOS and a three-year-old daughter with Asperger's.  I just attended a seminar last week and enjoyed another entire day of Dr. Attwood's rich teaching, five years into Good Friend on the professional side and now the mom of a 13-year-old and an 11-year-old on the personal side.

One of the things clinical psychologist Dr. Attwood reminds his patients with ASD is that they're smarter when they're calm.  If they can keep their anger and anxiety levels low, they'll be able to think more clearly.  He compares that frontal lobe of the brain to a filing cabinet full of past conflicts and resolutions.  When the emotional fervor rises, it locks the cabinet and access is denied.  So if an IQ test were administered in this emotionally wrought state, the measure would be significantly lower than if the person were able to access that important information.  It's not that the person's intelligence is lost, but that it's not functional.

The truth of Dr. Attwood's statement resonates beyond the population of people with ASD to those of us with "typically-developing" brains.  As parents, when we get flustered by our children's behavior, we may respond by raising our voices, executing ineffective punishments, or making impractical threats or promises in the heat of the moment.  Teachers, some of whom are chronically under-supported in their challenging roles, may resort to the abhorrent practice of bullying themselves, and could even get so stressed out that they manifest symptoms associated with trauma.

Thankfully, there are plenty of preventative measures and practices that can help us all remain calm, and therefore smarter during crises.  Simple breathing exercises, over-practiced during calm times, can be very handy when stress levels rise.  Those who practice yoga, meditation, and/or visualization, or use guided imagery (even Cognitive Picture Rehearsal for our students who need visual supports), also report better quality of life.  Progressive Muscle Relaxation may help identify tense areas of the body and then release that tension.  And whenever possible, taking a weekend away or finding some respite care can provide a whole new perspective when returning to a challenge.

What do you do to stay smart during a crisis?  How have you helped your child develop and access coping strategies?

"Oh yeah, you blend."

A family's journey in dealing with autism is a highly personal one.  There are stages of grief, not unlike those brought on by the death of a loved one, that follow a diagnosis of autism in a young child.  The timeline and order of those stages are different for everyone.  There are people we meet along the journey: some of them walk with us, some point us in the wrong direction, and others give helpful navigation tips.  I don't want to pass judgment on anyone's journey.  It is our own.

Every now and then, I have the privilege of talking to a parent who is "stuck".  They're having a hard time moving through a certain stage or preventing themselves from returning to it; it's become quicksand, and they're sinking.  Ignoring families at this time in their lives is cruel, so we want to extend a branch to them to hold on to and maybe even wrestle them free, if they're ready.

Denial is such a common, natural reaction to so many facets of an autism diagnosis and raising a child with autism.  We want to believe our child is or will be "fine" -- that the symptoms of autism will subside, and he or she will eventually fit in seamlessly with his or her peers.  The rarity of this phenomenon isn't as discouraging as the light of its hope is energizing, so it's constantly drawing us in.  And hope is a good thing!  We should always hope for the best for our children, expect much of them, and accept nothing less than a coordinated team working together toward lofty goals.

Along this journey, we have to access new tools.  Each leg is different, and requires different supports.  One of the supports our families need is social.  Children with autism need social understanding and social skills to function well in inclusive settings, and their neuro-typical peers need specific autism awareness and acceptance training so they can support their classmate with autism.

Yet we have encountered families during our Peer Sensitivity Workshops who believe their child is indeed blending with their class, and does not want his or her peers to know about autism and how the diagnosis relates to him or her.  There have been times when such families would not offer consent for the inclusion of their child with autism in the training, but other families in the same grade level with children on the spectrum have.  (See our past blog posting on that.)  So we proceed with the training, speaking only about the student for whom we have consent.  More often than not, Denise and I can tell within minutes who the other child on the spectrum is.

And, for me, it always brings to mind a picture from My Cousin Vinny.  Joe Pesci's character (Vinny Gambini) looks over at Marisa Tomei's Mona Lisa Vito, in her black pleather miniskirt, and comments that she "sticks out like a sore thumb" in the small Alabama town they're in.  She eyes him up and says sarcastically, "Oh yeah, you blend."  It's an irreverent comparison, but can be applied to the behavioral and social differences of some intermediate elementary students with and without ASD.

Most of the time, our children with ASD don't blend in with their classmates.  They have different ways of self-regulating, initiating (or not) social interactions, and processing and responding to sensory input. To ignore these things -- to deny these differences -- won't make them go away.  Children often devise their own explanations for unexplained behavior, and you can imagine where that might go.  Our children with ASD may not blend, but they don't have to be sore thumbs!  We educate typically-developing peers so even when they don't blend, they mix well.

Holiday Drop'n Shop

Some of us need a little extra incentive to do our holiday shopping.  Denise and I were thinking of these  people when we dreamed up Good Friend's Holiday Drop'n Shop.  Once the full-on retail fervor of Black Friday hits, malls are prohibitive for the faint-of-shopping-heart.  Why not get a big chunk of the gift list taken care of beforehand?  And if you were imagining your shopping nirvana, would it include chair massages?  And chocolate?  Maybe a warm beverage to wrap your chilled hands around?  Would you like something for nothing?

Yeah ... me, too.

On Saturday, Oct. 27, from 10:30 a.m. until 1:00 p.m., meet us at Steinhafels in Waukesha, Wis.  We'll be in the Community Room, pumping laid back Christmas music over the speakers and snacking on various desserts while we peruse the cash-and-carry and catalog offerings of the following vendors: Lia Sophia (jewelry), Mary Kay (cosmetics and skincare), Pampered Chef (kitchen essentials), PartyLite (candles and home decor), Pepper it Up (custom paint-your-own pottery), Tastefully Simple (food ingredients), T.F. Woodworking, Thirty-One (tote bags), Tupperware (food storage), and Uppercase Living (wall appliqués).

Just walking through the door qualifies you (and our other guests) for some great door prizes, including those pictured here.  And there's NO admission fee!  Want your name entered more often for the giveaways?  Every time you make a purchase from a vendor, you'll get another chance to go home with an item.  Here's the hitch: You have to be present to win.  If we call your name and you're not there, we pull another one.

So come for the shopping, stay for the demonstrations and prizes, and help Good Friend create cultures of acceptance in schools!  All of the vendors are donating a quarter of their proceeds to further our autism awareness-acceptance-empathy mission!

Questions?  Contact Denise, 262-391-1369.

Resources for Wisconsin and beyond!

Part of the fun of directing a nonprofit organization is allowing its impact, versus its bottom line, to be a derivative of success.  Good Friend, Inc., co-founder Denise Schamens and I take most of our salary as kudos and compliments, thanks and hugs; they are far more valuable than dollars and cents.  By investing ourselves in personal and professional development, we can multiply our resources so as to divide them equitably between home (since we're both parents of students with ASD) and work.

Families and educators often derive similar payouts from autism-specific training.  Recognizing both the importance and the mutual benefit, the Wisconsin Department of Public Instruction (DPI) graciously offers quality learning opportunities to anyone who interacts with students with autism in the state.  From free downloadable webinars to two-day continuing education seminars conducted in various locations in the state, there's something for everyone -- from the parent of a recently-diagnosed kindergartener to the program support teacher who wants to know more about functional behavior assessment (FBA).  Don't see something close enough to your area?  Check with your Cooperative Educational Service Agency (CESA) to see if they have any offerings.

Not from Wisconsin but still want resources?  Those links are there, too; a couple of the best being Autism Internet Modules and The National Professional Development Center on Autism Spectrum Disorders.

Even if your school foregoes Good Friend's staff in-service, there are plenty of places to go for specific learning about this population of students who deserve to be taught with expertise and treated with understanding.  As I'm sure Wisconsin educators are aware, this week begins the Seclusion and Restraint legislation passed as 2011 Wis. Act 125, which prohibits the involuntary separation of a student from his or her peers and the use of physical restraint, except in specific cases of imminent risk of bodily harm.  If ever there was a time to realize that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure (and a looming lawsuit), this is certainly it.

Three cheers for the lifelong learners among us!  Hip hip hooray!  Have a wonderful 2012-'13 school year, and do say "hello" if we're at a training together!

Back-to-school Top 10 List

I was all excited recently to see a top 10 word list regarding autism and bullying.  And I will admit that I was a little disappointed when I read the list.  While I understand the desire to teach specifically students with autism what negative social things are out there, I don't find it helpful.  So here's my Top 10 List, inspired by Good Friend's mission:

1. Educate. I really don't believe that "kids are mean" cliché.  I believe they're either ill-equipped with the proper knowledge of their differently-abled peers, or are lacking the proper social-emotional tools to be kind. In both cases, we as parents, professionals, and typically-developing peers need to educate others and ourselves.
2. Empower. Once staff and students are trained to recognize bullying behavior or disability harassment, they need to be empowered to act.  Give them the freedom, the infrastructure, and the tools to respond effectively.
3. Advocate. Students with autism need to self-advocate to get their needs met and their wants known. Their classmates and educators need to advocate for them when they see them in distress.
4. Believe. Believe in the abilities and the spirit of your student or friend with autism!  Believe you can make a difference in his or her life!
5. UPstander. Bystanders stand by when they see bullying or disability harassment.  We hope you stand UP!
6. Friend. One of the saddest statistics pervading the autism community is how few friends youth with autism believe they have. While establishing a friendship may be intimidating to typically-developing students, know this: Your classmate with autism requires surprisingly little of you; a high-five, a protective stance, an encouraging text message or note, or a once-a-month outing could be transformative.
7. Unity. I know it sounds a little High School Musical, but we're all in this together. True story.
8. Diversity. We're all different from one another. Difference isn't deficiency; it's diversity. Celebrate it!
9. Ability. Focus on ability and not DISability. It requires a change of perspective and will make everyone feel more positive.
10. Accept. This is is my most important word. Accept what you cannot change, such as differently-wired brains and all that comes along with them. Teach and support those with autism spectrum disorder; don't try to make them something/someone they aren't.

Forward this to your friends, teachers, and colleagues!  Maybe focus on a word a week for the fall as community-building exercises.  And let us know how it's going!

THINK: 50 Cent and Autism

If the R-word campaign and Judy Endow's The Power of Words have taught us anything, it's that words matter.  What comes out of our mouths and/or off of our typing fingertips has the power to hurt or heal, to build up or burn down.  While Good Friend has spent the last five years educating some 17,000 students and adults about the importance of speaking positively about autism and those who experience life through its lens, there are those who continue to remain ignorant about this neurobiological developmental disorder and make insensitive comments.

Such comments sting in a far more reactive way when they're inflicted by celebrities.  For better or for worse, our society is acutely aware of media moguls in various industries, including music, film, and sports.  Rapper 50 Cent, no stranger to the spotlight, got particularly ugly with a threatening Twitter follower last week. According to a Huffington Post article, his response was "yeah just saw your picture fool you look autistic." And, heaping burning coals on his own head, tweeted, "I dont want no special ed kids on my time line follow some body else".

This brought to mind a favorite mantra.

Many 50 Cent fans insisted he was only trying to be funny.  It was the furthest thing from comical or entertaining.  If great power (or influence) comes with great responsibility, then we have to THINK before we speak.  If it isn't True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, and/or Kind, then we should, as I often tell my son when he gets into his self-regulatory scripted talk at inappropriate times, keep it in our heads.

While 50 Cent took his nasty tweets down at the emphatic request of autism activist and mother Holly Robinson Peete, it took the public outcry of the autism and special needs community, plus those who support common decency, to get him to offer an apology.  Thousands of pictures with hashtag #thisiswhatautismlookslike flooded Twitterverse, apparently prompting his Sunday morning olive branch extension.

Let's hope we all THINK before we speak.  Because, for those of us who have reliable spoken language, just because we can speak, doesn't mean we should.

"Be prepared!"

(adapted from our Aug. 2010 newsletter)
We are indeed borrowing that famous motto of the Boy Scouts of America. Whereas they’re reminding their boys to be prepared for whatever wilderness adventure or lifesaving opportunity they might encounter, we are encouraging schools and families to be prepared for whatever classroom situation they might encounter.

When considering the research of Dr. Connie Kasari (UCLA, 2009), we realize that preparation is a critical intervention for students’ success. Kasari’s study of students with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) in inclusive classrooms led her to conclude that preparing the environment (the staff, the students, and the physical readiness of the space) to receive a student with ASD is perhaps more important than social skills training and a one-to-one aide for the impacted student. (See The Orange County Register article, “Peers are key for autistic kids, researcher says”.) This requires a more coordinated effort on behalf of the school and family, but has ultimately proven to result in better outcomes.

Many schools now are moving into a positive behavioral intervention and support (PBIS) approach to improve their campus climate.  Social emotional learning is gaining momentum as a paradigmatic shift in education.  As administrators invest in the relational atmosphere of their schools, they see decreased referrals, improved academic performance, and better unity among students.

This applies to Good Friend’s services as well.  Administrators of public schools in excess of 88 students can be statistically assured that there will be at minimum one child with ASD enrolled. That being the case, it is likely that the least restrictive environment for that student will be an inclusive classroom. And the way to prepare that environment is through education.

Good Friend offers staff in-services, which last from 60 to 90 minutes, at a fee of only $100* (*additional expenses are associated with travel beyond 75 miles of Waukesha, Wis.).  And for schools in southeast Wisconsin that book their staff training by October 30th and wish to participate in an independent University of Wisconsin-Whitewater research study, there is NO FEE.  The in-service is applicable for all staff, from speech therapists to physical education teachers.  The best part is the service is performed right at the school — no need for travel expenses or substitute teachers. The material covered ranges from the medical diagnostic criteria to some best practices in education.

Student services include general assemblies (K-9th grade, but best with no more than three consecutive grade levels per service), Peer Sensitivity Workshops (K-5th grade), and Individualized Classroom Presentations (6th-9th grade). Schools that are using systemic PBIS or similar pro-active interventions will find that the Awareness-Acceptance-Empathy® model is a natural programming extension and reinforces those principles. General assemblies are suitable for schools with a number of students on the autism spectrum or when information does not need to be student-specific. However, the PSW is a better format for presenting personal explanations of particular behaviors to a targeted age group.

If you need some guidance to determine what mix of services would best match your school’s needs, feel free to contact us. We want your school community to be prepared.