'Of course you should understand me!'

If you're a long-time reader of this blog, you know that much of what we (Good Friend, Inc. co-founders Chelsea Budde and Denise Schamens) write about comes from personal experience.  Whether it's something we've encountered while "in the field" or in our own homes, raising children with differently-wired brains, it's often illustrative of a greater truth or broader concept.

For example, when I took my son back to his diagnosing neuropsychologist for a re-evaluation, she reminded me the importance of teaching everything -- using opportunities to describe emotions, perspectives.  So along those lines, when I or my husband does something "above and beyond" the call of duty, so to speak (Is there really any such thing?), for our son, we ask him, "Why would I do that?"  And he responds, "Because you love me."  It can be hard for him to remember that we love him when we're pushing him outside his comfort zone, so we like to rehearse this concept in moments of satisfied calm.

Recently, I unraveled a mystery about my boy before he did.  He was somewhat surprised by this.  I asked, "How do you think I knew that?"  Observing that he was unable to come up with an answer, I replied, "Because I understand you.  I've taken the time to listen and think about who you are, so I understand."

Quickly, he blurted out, from a parted wry smile, wagging his head with his hand on his hip, "Of course you should understand me!"  And while I laughed at first at his teenage 'tude, I realized how profoundly true that is.  And my heart broke a little for all the children whose caregivers don't understand them.  (To be fair, I don't always understand everything my son does or thinks or feels, because I'm not inside his body.  But I play detective when I don't understand to come up with a plausible explanation.)

In a HuffPost Entertainment blog article published last week by Caroline Presno, she quotes Dancing with the Stars' Tony Dovolani: "Anybody that has an autistic child or has one in their family, should take some time to get to know them because their life will be enriched by it."

And while our enrichment as people without autism shouldn't be the motivator to understand our loved ones and students with autism, it is a marvelous benefit.  Going back to The Figureheads' "We ALL Fit" lyrics -- "so much beauty unexpected."

We should take the time to understand our students and loved ones with autism because they deserve to be understood.  They are no less worthy of a comfortable environment, accessible education, social relationships, recreational opportunities, freedom of communication, quality mental and physical healthcare, and assertion of self-will than we are.

Communities have to build themselves on that inclusive foundation.  It will drive policies regarding human services and direct funding -- because we know people with autism are worthy.  

Good Friend, Inc., is just one small organization doing its part to reach children as young as 5 with that awareness-acceptance-empathy message.  Thanks for doing your part, too.

Milestones are fun, but people matter!

In this era of measurable outcomes, numbers are important.  How many were served?  What percentage of various ethnic groups were represented?  How much did it cost?  How long did it take?  And all of those things are important -- but not without people.  And not without each individual.

At Good Friend, Inc., we never started with a measuring stick.  We started with an idea that was born from the needs of people; more personally, two young boys with autism spectrum disorder.  Before Good Friend's Awareness. Acceptance. Empathy. motto was penned, we as mothers were doing our best to help our sons' peers to understand who they were and why they mattered.  When we did that, we broke down barriers to forming relationships.  Seeing those results, and hearing other parents' heartbreaks, made it worthwhile to pursue wider success.

From some of us (back: Pam Lara, Sarah Zubarik;
front: Ken Genin, Denise Schamens at our board meeting
earlier this month) to all of you!

So while we're excited to tell you about some milestones, please remember that YOU matter.  And your student matters.  And that's why we do any of this at all.

• Good Friend just celebrated its 7th "birthday"!
• We ALL Fit was accepted into its first film festival!
• We're officially going international! (The film festival is in Canada.)
• Our music video by The Figureheads has passed 18K views!
• We're moving into our first brick-and-mortar office next month! (Stay tuned for details about our "Grand Opening".)

Thank you for the role you played in helping us achieve these milestones.  Without your support, we could not have taken our message to more than 25K people ... and who knows how many more with the DVDs we've sold!?!

And let me bring this full-circle.  Today is my birthday, and last night, my 15-year-old son brought me flowers -- his own idea.  And while I might open his gift to me and it may be a picture of one of his special interests that he can't wait to share (because it brings him joy, therefore it must me also), those flowers are a milestone: He thought of something I like that holds no interest for him whatsoever.

May your milestones be celebrated today and always.

It's coming! The release of "We ALL Fit" is less than four weeks away!

We at Good Friend, Inc., could not be more excited about the premiere of our latest autism peer sensitivity film, "We ALL Fit"!  Never has one of our products been the culmination of so much research, collaboration, and experience.  With careful consideration of the learning styles of intermediate childhood (ages 6-10), we put together a multimedia presentation that would meet learners where they're at.  With a Community Conversation about Meaningful Inclusion in Elementary School, we covered social emotional topics teachers and parents believed important.  With a research study illustrating what students still needed to know after our services were delivered, we loaded this film with tools.  We field tested and tweaked and tested again.  We gathered feedback from students and teachers and researchers.  And this is it.

On Wednesday, May 28, from 6:30-7:30 p.m., nearly 250 people will assemble at the Marcus Majestic Theatre in Brookfield, Wis., to see "We ALL Fit" on the big screen.  We are currently registering cast and crew and their guests, but will open the event up to the general public in just six days.  Registration will be required to procure a ticket, and a ticket is required for admission.  There is no fee for the ticket.  (Event sponsors such as AutoZone are offsetting costs.  Sponsor opportunities are still available.  Email chelsea@goodfriendinc.com for more info.)  Since the target audience for the film are students in K-5th grade, the event is meant to be family-friendly.  Our cast and crew are encouraged to wear their finest evening wear to walk the red carpet.  So if you want to go all out, too, feel free!

Here's what inclusion expert Paula Kluth, Ph.D., has to say about "We ALL Fit", which is being considered by film festivals in Toronto and Chicago:

"Another useful classroom resource from Good Friend, Inc.! This short video not only offers ideas for building community in the classroom, but provides opportunities for all learners to build communication, collaboration, teaching, and advocacy skills. With each viewing, every member of the classroom can learn something new about getting and giving support, about friendship, and about true inclusion."

How better to mark Mental Health Awareness Month than with a healthy dose of "We ALL Fit"?!  Check out the music video this week, Children's Mental Health Awareness Week, which now boasts nearly 16K views and more than 300 Likes.  Use it to start a conversation in your class or family.  And keep watching the blog all month for more information!

Making an impact

Whether it's as an employee or a parent, do you ever wonder, "Am I really making an impact?  Is the effort I'm giving returning anything?"  I know when my children were younger and I was home with them, some of those days seemed awfully long.  I'd change my shirt for the third time that day because it smelled like the more unpleasant of baby scents and recall with longing the kudos of a client who appreciated a job well done.  I began to wonder what my life would be like once my children were in school full-time and I could return to "work".  Those thoughts came when I wasn't paying attention to what mattered, because I most certainly was making an impact -- in the lives of my family.

Fast-forward a dozen years and I'm seeing another kind of impact.  I'm seeing the impact a foundation has on a nonprofit organization like Good Friend, Inc., when it sends a grant check.  I wish the board directors from the Janice & Raymond Perry Community Fund, Pieper Electric, Inc./Ideal Mechanical, the Green Bay Packers Foundation, the Tracy Family Foundation, the Dorothy Inbusch Foundation, and Potawatomi's Miracle on Canal Street were in the room when I opened the envelopes from them with our grants over the last two months!  Each time, I was so grateful for their support, knowing what an impact we'll be able to make in the lives of students because of these gifts.

Here are some examples from recent weeks:
The mom of a 10-year-old boy with autism sent in this picture.

Her son explained, "After seeing that video, I kinda decided, well, that was pretty interesting. So I decided to make a slogan out of something. So I settled on ZOOBs. At first, it was all reds and greens, but then when I needed something for the dot on the exclamation point, the only thing I could find was two yellows. And then I realized that to make the point stronger, I should use every color in the sentence. So I made an underline out of all of the pieces, but then I decided to change some of the parts of the letters that could be swapped. The end result is the picture. I really hope you enjoyed it as I enjoyed the video."

Here's how the video impacted Nicole: "As a mother of a 10-year-old autistic boy who has often had difficulties with the puzzle piece image, I was pleasantly surprised to watch your video We ALL Fit. I really like that it uses the puzzle metaphor to reference ALL of us in the world, not just autistic people, and how important it is for us to connect. After I showed the video to my son, he said was inspired to make this creation after watching the video. Thank you for spreading the world that we are all connected and we do all fit."

A woman was driving three children -- her son and two young friends, one of whom has autism and likes talking about her brain-based difference.  The 5-year-old friend didn't really understand what she was talking about, and asked what autism was.  The 6-year-old son started quoting the second verse of "We ALL Fit" to explain. "Autism isn't something that you catch ..." As mom listened, she recognized the lyrics.  She says, "When I called him out on it, he laughed and asked to listen to the song. So we did."

Last fall, a mother had contacted me by email with a sad story about her daughter with autism being misunderstood and bullied at her school.  She was hopeful about this school year, since a new administrator and classroom teacher were happy to welcome us to conduct a Peer Sensitivity Workshop for all sections of her grade.  Following the third grade student training earlier this month, mom wrote, "I just wanted to share with you all that when I picked A up yesterday, she said that she had kids actually coming up to her and asking to play with her. This is the very first time she has ever experienced this. She said it made her so happy.  She spent the rest of the day on cloud nine and telling everyone she loved them."

Thank you for helping us make an impact!  Keep sharing your uplifting stories with us!

"We ALL Fit" single release!

In 10 days, on Thursday, January 9, 2014, at 10 a.m., some 500 teachers, students, administrators, community stakeholders, and cast members will gather at Cushing Elementary in Delafield, Wis., to see the "We ALL Fit" music video by The Figureheads for the first time.  Following the world premiere event, the video will be available on YouTube and the single (featuring Noelle Budde, Evelyn Barta, and Regan Carter) will be available through online music outlets.  Like our Facebook page to get the links after the premiere.

Since space is limited for the premiere and reception to follow, attendance is by invitation and registration only.  If you did not receive an invitation but wish to come, we would be happy to put you on stand-by, notifying you on Tuesday, January 7, if we still have space available.  Please send an email with your first and last name, title, and organization (if applicable) to chelsea@goodfriendinc.com, subject: I want to come to the "We ALL Fit" premiere.

Whether or not you're able to see the video with us live, you'll want to sing along.  Here are the lyrics, which by themselves are powerful poetry; and with the music, they're unforgettable.

Chorus 

When you look down on the world from a plane in the sky,
you can see that we're all part of a picture. You and I
are the pieces of a puzzle. Yeah, we're all connected;
leaning on each other - so much beauty unexpected.
We're all looking for a good friend - someone that we
can be ourselves with, who will encourage us to be
like one family. That's it!
The secret to the puzzle is knowing we all fit. 

Verse 1 

My favorite puzzles are pictures of people, plants, and the places
I've never been to. They're like portals into worlds and I'm waiting
for magic trees to invite me into the picture and take me
into a story about how I saved the world from a fire-
breathing dragon over lava. That'd be awesome, I know!
What if the planet was a puzzle? Where would all of us go?
I mean, what if you were a piece trying to fit in a spot,
and every time that you try, somebody tells you there's not
enough room for you - like you don't belong in the puzzle. What?!
That'd be tough, and that's why every one of us stands up
for the person and people looking to fit in this puzzle.
We ALL Fit. That's it! It shouldn't be such a struggle. 

Chorus 

Verse 2 

Autism isn't something that you catch.
It's not an itch than you can scratch.
It's like a hidden treasure, and here's a map
to help us all understand where we're at.
As we learn how to respond and react
to our friends with autism and the ways they may act.
As we learn to recognize the gifts they've been given
so that We can move together in one rhythm with ‘em -
back and forth, up and down.
We can rock our bodies and dance around.
We can try to see through each other's eyes.
It can be hard to do, but if we try -
Well, then we're one step closer to the treasure
of being a community and moving on together.
So find out all the ways that you can help.
And in the process you may even find yourself.
Good friends, let’s go! 

Chorus

Bridge 

Sometimes I feel lost and alone.
Wish I had a place that felt like home.
And if I had a friend -
someone who understood -
then that would make a difference,
a difference for the good.
Good friends, let's go! 

Chorus

© 2013 Good Friend, Inc. All rights reserved. 

Please share this song with your school, students, and community!  Help us create a culture of acceptance where children of all abilities are valued and included!

"A Difference for the Good"

I could spend the next month's worth of blogs breaking down the lyrics of The Figureheads' original song, "We ALL Fit", written and produced for Good Friend's upcoming elementary school peer sensitivity film of the same title.  And each week I could focus on a phrase that has come to mean so much more to me over the process of observing the interactions on the film and music video sets.  But with the video scheduled to be available on YouTube within the next month, I don't want to infuse my own experiences into the song for you.  I want you to tell us your stories!

Jeremy Bryan, Dave Olson, and Greg Marshall
of The Figureheads on the set of our music video

Still, I can't resist these lines from the bridge:

And if I had a friend
Someone who understood
Then that would make a difference,
a difference for the good.

What difference has having a friend (or a group of friends) had in your life?  Go back to your elementary school days.  What about then?  What did it mean to you to have a friend?  Forget about trauma and tragedy, like parents divorcing or grandparents dying.  What if you didn't have a friend to get through the daily things, like learning to ride your bike?  Or letting you borrow a pencil when yours broke?  Or handing you a tissue when you were about to sneeze?

What if you wanted a friend desperately, but you were dropped into a new foreign language immersion school, and you didn't speak the language?  Now you need a friend more than ever, but you don't have the tools to connect.  You can't tell them about your interests and don't know how to ask them about theirs.

Consider for a moment that this is what it's like to have autism.  You don't speak the social language, and you don't understand the nonverbal components that are inherent in the customs of this neurotypical world.  But you need a friend.  Because you know that that would make a difference for the good.  Your friend would help you make sense of what you see and hear.  Your friend would stand up for you when others, unaware of the way your brain is wired, tease, belittle, and bully you.  Your friend would see when you need space and when you need support.

When one of the 9-year-old members of our cast heard the bridge for the first time, he told his mom, while rocking to self-regulate and connect to the music's beat, "That's just like me."  She and I had tears in our eyes as we pondered and observed, convicted by the simplicity and the heartbreak of the truth of it all.

Please consider today how you can encourage your typically-developing students to be a friend to a classmate with autism.  If you're not sure how to teach them to make a difference for the good, Good Friend would be happy to help!