Autism and Peer Relationships in Early Childhood

In the state of Wisconsin, the average age for receiving an autism spectrum diagnosis is 4-1/2 years old (CDC, 2012).  By this time, while most parents report that their child later diagnosed with ASD exhibited symptoms before seeking a medical diagnosis, children should already have been receiving services through Birth to 3.  That being the case, many of these children transition into their school district's Early Childhood program (age 3-5, or kindergarten), where, hopefully, they have access to typically-developing peers.

In the case of my now adolescent children with autism, we are fortunate enough to live in a resource-rich area where my intentions to maximize their social and educational experiences were realized without extraordinary effort.  Sure, I had to serve as my daughter's "educational assistant" in a private day care when she was 3 years old because she wasn't yet toilet trained and required additional social support, but it provided opportunities for me as a mother to recognize what developmental areas required extra attention and focus on those in- and outside the day care setting.

One of those areas for both of my children was their relationship development.  When I was asked by neuropsychologists during their diagnostic interviews how many "friends" my children had, I guess I wasn't so sure of the definition.  It was loosely described to me during the evaluation process as particular same-aged peers whose company they sought out or enjoyed.  Having no "normal" baseline before I observed my children with their classmates, I assumed the parallel play my 4-year-olds engaged in was age-appropriate.  But by the definition of friendship in a recent textbook I was reviewing in preparation for a guest lecture, my children with ASD had no friends.

However, I think we need to measure and define friendship a little differently for our students with ASD.  If we can base friendships on shared interests, mutual admiration, and general good will (versus willingness to share, the ability to enter play situations, and solve conflicts, for example), then it will be easier to pair typically-developing students with their classmates with autism.  Students with ASD may be unskilled at initiating social interactions, but that proclivity my 3-year-old daughter had to pet her classmate's long, silky hair both satisfied a sensory input desire and served as a greeting.  My 4-year-old son's proximal babbling with eye contact demonstrated to his classmate that he wanted to communicate with him.  These, in my opinion, are the seeds of relationships and should be celebrated as such.

So the next time you see a 3- to 5-year-old with autism in the vicinity of neurotypical peers, encourage the budding healthy interactions without concern about the quality or duration.  Keep rewarding efforts to engage peers while teaching social understanding and motivating students with ASD.  The baby steps you take in these early years are the training exercises for the races they'll run as they get into intermediate elementary education and beyond.

What precious "friendship skills" have you noticed in your young students with autism?

Back-to-school Top 10 List

I was all excited recently to see a top 10 word list regarding autism and bullying.  And I will admit that I was a little disappointed when I read the list.  While I understand the desire to teach specifically students with autism what negative social things are out there, I don't find it helpful.  So here's my Top 10 List, inspired by Good Friend's mission:

1. Educate. I really don't believe that "kids are mean" cliché.  I believe they're either ill-equipped with the proper knowledge of their differently-abled peers, or are lacking the proper social-emotional tools to be kind. In both cases, we as parents, professionals, and typically-developing peers need to educate others and ourselves.
2. Empower. Once staff and students are trained to recognize bullying behavior or disability harassment, they need to be empowered to act.  Give them the freedom, the infrastructure, and the tools to respond effectively.
3. Advocate. Students with autism need to self-advocate to get their needs met and their wants known. Their classmates and educators need to advocate for them when they see them in distress.
4. Believe. Believe in the abilities and the spirit of your student or friend with autism!  Believe you can make a difference in his or her life!
5. UPstander. Bystanders stand by when they see bullying or disability harassment.  We hope you stand UP!
6. Friend. One of the saddest statistics pervading the autism community is how few friends youth with autism believe they have. While establishing a friendship may be intimidating to typically-developing students, know this: Your classmate with autism requires surprisingly little of you; a high-five, a protective stance, an encouraging text message or note, or a once-a-month outing could be transformative.
7. Unity. I know it sounds a little High School Musical, but we're all in this together. True story.
8. Diversity. We're all different from one another. Difference isn't deficiency; it's diversity. Celebrate it!
9. Ability. Focus on ability and not DISability. It requires a change of perspective and will make everyone feel more positive.
10. Accept. This is is my most important word. Accept what you cannot change, such as differently-wired brains and all that comes along with them. Teach and support those with autism spectrum disorder; don't try to make them something/someone they aren't.

Forward this to your friends, teachers, and colleagues!  Maybe focus on a word a week for the fall as community-building exercises.  And let us know how it's going!

Now accepting nominations for the 2012 Good Friend in Education Award!

Schools that invite us to come present to their staff and/or students receive a Presentation Kit.  In that kit, among other materials and resources, is a card explaining our Good Friend in Education Award.  Each year, Good Friend pays tribute to an individual, group, or team (depending on the nominator's description) that has taken our autism Awareness-Acceptance-Empathy® message to heart.  Past winners have included ...

• a team of upper elementary students from Waukesha who were particularly helpful for their friends receiving Specially-Designed Phy Ed services.
• a team including peers, educators, and related professionals in Germantown who collaborated to ensure the successful inclusion of an elementary school student with autism.
• a teacher in Milwaukee who went out of her way to make her classroom inclusive of her student with autism before the school year even began.

Competition was fierce last year -- which is a good problem to have!  If you know someone who deserves recognition for their good friend behavior, please submit a 100-word essay describing why to denise@goodfriendinc.com.  Be sure to include the following:

• Nominee’s name as it should appear on the award
• Title/Position held (or “Student” and current grade level, if applicable)
• School/Organization name
• Nominee's phone, email, and address
• Nominator’s (YOUR) name and contact information
• Title/Position held (or “Student”, if applicable)
• School/Organization name

Nominations are due May 14.  Winners will be notified by June 1.  All nominees are welcome to join us at a special celebration on August 3 in Waukesha, Wis.  Details will be publicized in late June.  Contact Denise (262-391-1369) with any questions.