Collaborating for Kids

As the school year draws to a close, some of us are feeling the exhilaration of not having to prepare lessons for the summer.  Or grade tests.  Or get up early.  Others are feeling the dread of the lack of structure school provides for their children, and may be scrambling to put together a reasonable itinerary for the 10 or so weeks off.  And many of us are somewhere in-between: ready for a break, but recognizing the need for summer goals.

It's easy to lose sight of the big picture in this mad dash to the school year finish line.  We have a hyper focus on our roles as parents and educators in the home stretch.  Yet when we widen the lens, we see that the summer is the best time to collaborate for the sake of students.  Teachers are in a unique position to know what extra practice will be beneficial for the upcoming school year, and parents can reach out to gather resources and suggestions for summertime follow-through.

We know the 4th grade teacher spends some six hours a day with 4th grade students; but we also know that these 4th graders are being molded by their educators and families into adults, equipped with the skills, knowledge, and character they'll need to become the kind of citizens of whom we as a community can be proud.

The state of Wisconsin, along with 45 others, have adopted the Common Core State Standards, which are accessible for viewing by both families and schools.  Viewing these standards for mathematics and language arts might be one way to initiate this conversation between home and school about what academic concepts could use a little extra attention.

The National Association of School Psychologists published a paper in 1999 and revised in 2005 about the importance of the home-school collaboration.  All students will achieve more if we as families and schools work in partnership with one another.

During last week's World Café™-style Community Conversation on Meaningful Inclusion in Elementary School, Good Friend hosted an inspiring mix of 30 parents, therapists, educators, and administrators.  One parent commented afterward how moved she was by the commitment of the educators who were present.  The limited number of minutes in the day is sometimes a barrier to effective communication between home and school, but we must not lose sight of the fact that we are all on the same team.

Work hard to collaborate for the benefit of your students this summer.  And then tell us what steps you've taken together to help them run the race!  Your comment could earn you a Good Friend prize!

The Right Tools

Last week, I had four enormous spruce trees removed from my yard.  The work crew arrived at 9 a.m. and by 2 p.m., all that remained were four piles of fragrant, shredded mulch.  Even if my husband and I possessed the skill and knowledge these gentlemen had, there's no way we could have done the same job.  We didn't have the right tools.  These guys had enormous chainsaws and bow saws and stump grinders and cranes.  They had cherry pickers and wood chippers and hand trucks.  And muscles -- big ones.

Anyone who works with tools, whether in a kitchen or a garage or at a desk in front of a computer, will tell you how important it is to have the right tool for the right job.  Wrong tools for the right job and vice versa will be useless.  Why do we think this is any different for our children?

Our children need tools for their social-emotional toolbox.  Noticing the social impairments in children on the autism spectrum, caregivers developed social skills training.  We were equipping students with autism with tools we assumed they could use with their typically-developing peers.  In some cases, it was a case of right tool, wrong job; we were equipping students for the job that comes after social understanding.  It was kind of like handing over the chisel before we gave them the mallet.  And they looked at the block of stone, glanced at the chisel and thought, "Why do I need this again?"

Somehow, we missed the importance of putting the tools of awareness and acceptance in our typically-developing kids' toolboxes also.  We sent them to school with their pencils and paper and crayons in the backpack without explaining the differences between learners, and how important it was to accept each of their classmates regardless of those differences.  It didn't seem to matter much when the kindergarteners walked away wide-eyed and turtle-shelled with their big backpacks.  Even in first grade, they interacted mostly with whomever they were near.  And we assumed they just understood their classmates with differently-wired brains.

Boy, were we wrong.

They have all sorts of problems to solve, but no tools to get the job done.  Without the right tools, they'll chip away at the block of stone without much skill or finesse, and we'll wonder why they've been unable to produce a masterpiece.  They did the best they had with the tools we provided.  Had we put the right tools in their toolboxes and showed them what each was for (think Peer-Mediated Instruction and Intervention), imagine what the finished result might have been!

I think it would have looked like meaningful inclusion.  Let Good Friend help you equip your students for an inclusive classroom in the 2012-'13 school year by scheduling staff and student services to take place immediately in the fall.  Contact me or Denise before school's out for the summer!

Lead by Example

The past few days have offered Denise and me wonderful opportunities to communicate Good Friend's Awareness-Acceptance-Empathy message.  As parents and professionals, we absorbed the teachings of dozens of speakers at the Autism Society of Wisconsin Conference.  The closing keynote speaker on Sunday, Nicole Beurkens of Horizons Developmental Resource Center, offered one of my favorite "a-ha" moments of the three-day run: Making meaning of information is critical.  We are quick to offer information to people and eager to see what they do with that information.  But if they aren't able to attach appropriate meaning to that input, then the output will seemingly fall short.

During our presentations at both the ASW and WASC JAM (Wisconsin Association for Student Council Junior and Middle School) Conferences, Denise and I emphasized how important it is to give middle school students relevant information about autism so they can be aware of why peers with ASD experience the world differently.  But awareness is not enough, as we all know.  Because if we don't make meaning of why we need to understand the differences, then acceptance won't come easily, and empathy may not be an outcome at all.

Ellie Trewyn, narrator of our award-winning film Choosing To Be a GFF (2011), along with Jacob Schamens, another of the film's stars and the older sibling of a brother in middle school with autism, were critical to creating meaning for the 5th through 9th grade students who attended our WASC JAM Super Sectional presentations yesterday.  Throughout the presentation, these high school freshmen were able to tell their peers how their perceptions of autism and bullying had changed as a result of participating in Good Friend's development and production of the film, how important student leaders are, and what they've been able to accomplish in their own peer groups as far as acceptance goes.

In the hotel atrium following their WASC JAM Conference presentations are (left to right) Chelsea Budde, Ellie Trewyn, Jacob Schamens, Denise Schamens, and Dani Rossa.

Ellie's stories highlight the importance of meaning.  She said that while she's spoken with her close friends many times about her connection to the film and the cause, they were astonished when she took the initiative during a recent school lunch period to help a distressed friend with autism.  Ellie was confused by their amazement over her gesture of kindness, assuming that any of them should and would have done the same thing.  Her message to the students was clear: Do the right thing, no matter what your friends think. Being a leader means showing others the right thing to do, hoping they'll follow, but not caring if they don't.

We appreciate students who lead by example.  We have one more week to accept nominations for our Good Friend in Education Award.  Send Denise a short email about who you know who's demonstrating acceptance of autism.

Teachable moments

Since my son was four years old, we've made a point of returning to his pediatric neuropsychologist every two to three years for an evaluation.  It's not for the purpose of diagnostics (his primary diagnosis of PDD-NOS has remained unchanged since 2003), but to assess his visual-spatial reasoning, cognitive and social abilities, expressive and receptive speech, and fine and gross motor skills.  The best part about the comprehensive report written after all the tests are compiled and analyzed is the page of recommendations the evaluating team develops.  These suggestions are specific to home and school teams, lending themselves to better parenting and incorporation into the IEP (Individualized Education Plan).

When we were facing the transition to middle school for our firstborn, one of the best recommendations seems now to be the most obvious to me: Explain everything.  When you're watching a story on the news about the aftermath of a tsunami, talk about why the person being interviewed is crying.  When a commercial makes you laugh, explain that the play on words is what makes that funny.  If you ask him to put deodorant on before he leaves for school, tell him it's because his hormones are starting to prepare him for being an adult, and that means sweat in places like armpits gets smelly.

I remember reading in a book when I was expecting this same child that I should speak to him while pregnant and while he's an infant, well before his own verbal abilities formed.  It seemed unnatural at first, but came more easily as practiced.  I have found the same to be true with explaining the "hidden curriculum" we take for granted.

It's just as important (if not more) for my daughter with Asperger's Syndrome.  She seems more aware of these daily vagaries and therefore more confounded.  She will often come to me explaining a social situation that she felt she handled awkwardly.  We do a little debrief.  She starts to tell me who was involved and what occurred by her perception, and I begin to ask questions.  "When you laughed at her, were other kids laughing, too?  What did her face do when you laughed?  Did she smile or hang her head?"  And, since she's been taught to notice these things, she recalls.  While we're talking through it, she might come up with a response on her own that might have been more appropriate.  Sometimes it warrants an apology to her friend; but it always results in a better understanding of the scenario.

And while the brain wiring associated with autism spectrum disorders makes the hidden curriculum piece more difficult to grasp, it doesn't mean that these teachable moments should be relegated to the population of individuals with ASD. If you observe a situation in the classroom, on the playground, or in your home that presents an opportunity for a social-emotional lesson, capitalize on it!  Perhaps you saw a student stand up for another when group behavior was starting to deteriorate.  Be sure to point out how you appreciated the UPstander quality the model student displayed.  Maybe your own child made an unnecessary judgment about a child nearby who responded in an unexpected way to environmental stimuli.  Remind him that we don't all process information in the same way.

In being mindful of the value of these teachable moments, we will contribute positively to the mental well-being of the children in our care.

A day late and a dollar short. (Who's counting?)

Indeed, today's blog post comes a day late.  And it just so happens that I'm coming with a bit of sad news: Despite the extraordinary efforts of a handful of our bowlers and a truckload of Good Friend, Inc., volunteers, the funds raised through our 4th annual Hoa Aloha Autism Awareness Bowling Event on Sunday fell a dollar short.  Well, more like $1,400.

But who's counting?

I'll tell you what I counted yesterday: More than 200 moms and dads, grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends, teachers and therapists -- all cheering and smiling and high-fiving.  I saw inclusion at its finest and counted zero people who wanted to participate being left out.  I counted the happy tears of a grateful mom as she counted the hundreds upon hundreds of dollars given to the cause in her son's honor.

My son counted and proudly reported to me his spares.  There were four.  His dad counted the two bumpers that went up to help him get those spares.  And there's nothing wrong with counting supports.

My hope is that the people with autism who bowled with us on Sunday can count everyone else in that bowling alley, and all the donors who gave, as someone who supports them.  May we count you in?  Our event page is still live and accepting donations, and any of our bowlers would be honored by your support. So would we.

Rock some blue in your 'do!

QR Code entry point: CLICK HERE for the most recent blog post.

This week, I'm offering some respite from deep thinking.  ;o)  Let's have some FUN!

Here's my proposal: [High]light It Up Blue for Autism!  

A trio of moms raising youth with autism spectrum disorders has banded together to help create autism awareness in a unique way.  Get a blue natural hair extension, feather, and/or sparkly tinsel strands at Salon Brillaré (Pewaukee)!  Janet D'Amato, the salon's owner, is donating the proceeds for this promotion from March 22 through April 22 to Good Friend, Inc.!  For $10, you can choose one option, or you can pump it up or mix and match any three choices for $25 (per client).  New clients are welcome!  You could walk in, but appointments are recommended.  Call 262-522-2914, or email salonbrillare@aol.com for more information or to get yourself and your friends scheduled!  They'll do manicures, pedicures, and nail art, too!  And they'll be at our Hoa Aloha Autism Awareness Bowling Event on April 22!

I know, I know -- it's extreme, right?  Blue hair?!  How the heck are you supposed to blend with blue hair?  That's kind of the point.  We don't want our kids with autism to feel like they have to blend.  They have an invisible disability with some very visible manifestations.  Be willing to stand out and stand up for them during National Autism Awareness Month!

But if blue hair is just too personal, what about blue light bulbs outside your house?  Check out Autism Speaks' Light It Up Blue campaign.  World Autism Awareness Day is April 2!  Blue it up!

Partying with autism

When Denise and I do student services in elementary schools, we are often encouraging the typically-developing students to invite their friends with autism to their social gatherings.  Birthday parties are often a big deal in a little life.  And while some adventurous parents are willing to go all out and invite the whole class, most families opt for a shorter guest list.  Trimming the classmate with special needs can be an easy choice.  Let me offer a few potential perspective changing thoughts on that.

First, inclusion in education shouldn't stop when students leave the classroom.  Part of the reason that inclusive models are practiced in schools is to promote inclusive communities.  We have decided as a society that excluding people on the basis of their disability isn't acceptable.  However, we have also decided that providing supports, whether natural (peers, family members, etc.) or created (Department of Vocational Rehabilitation, educational assistants, etc.), is required for success.  Here are some supports you might use to make your party inclusive of a friend with autism:

• Ask the friend's mom or dad what triggers for upset the friend might have.  For example, my son hates the "Happy Birthday" song and flash photography.  If we give him a heads-up when we're about to sing, he removes himself to a quiet place until the cake is cut.  And if we turn the flash off when we want to take a group picture, we've avoided causing discomfort.
• Create a visual schedule.  When attending a party, it's a bummer to bring social deficits and anxiety.  Party-goers with autism will feel more control over the excitement of the day if there's some predictability built in.  The schedule doesn't have to show times, but it could.  Some simple pictures of eating, swimming, game playing, gift opening, or whatever is on the itinerary for the party in a pre-determined order will be helpful.
• Put the menu on the invitation.  If your friend with autism has any special dietary needs, perhaps mom or dad could send along alternate treats if needed.
• Understand that people on the autism spectrum have their limit for social excitement, no matter how enjoyable the company and/or event is.  If your friend comes late and leaves early, don't feel like you've failed in your attempt to include.  His/Her attendance at all is a major victory for both of you!

Second, going to extra mile to include a classmate with autism sends powerful messages to everyone involved.  Birthday parties are a celebration of the person of honor, but asking the birthday girl or boy to share her or his spotlight reminds them that it's not all about them.  That's a healthy shift of focus.  It reminds classmates that children with differences are people who enjoy friendship, too, even though they have to work a lot harder at those relationships, often with fewer social tools in their toolboxes.  And parents provide an example of leadership and acceptance when they encourage their birthday girl or boy to go out of their way to include.

Finally, children with autism don't get better at practicing social skills by sitting in an classroom or learning in their bedroom.  They need opportunities to generalize what they're learning about their friends with typical neurology in safe social settings.  You might even find that a family wants to send along a therapist with the child with autism to foster some of those social exchanges.  Jumping in at well-timed moments during a birthday party is a whole lot easier than trying to negotiate the pace of the playground at recess.

Thanks for giving some consideration to your child's next celebration.  Party on!